Henry is a Sophisticated Gentleman

The physical advancements are piling up fast and furious. Henry is able sit up and casually play with his soft blocks completely unassisted. Don't believe me?

You want more proof? Here he is virtually manhandling his blue turtle soft block.

At this point, he is just showing off...

Lock Up Your Daughters

As some of you may know, Henry stays at the daycare on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Well, the daycare folks have Baby Alison who is three months, to the day, older than Henry. She is as cute as buttons and they play together and have a hoot. However, it appears that things between the two of them may have blossomed into something a little more serious. Check out Baby Alison's blog for the sordid details.

In other news, I had the first dream that I can remember about Henry last night. I dreamt that he could speak fluent sign language and it freaked me out. I wish I could remember what he had to say. It was probably just about food or his new robot Robeeez or something of that nature.

Don't Make Me Push the Button on the Monkey Truck

I spent the weekend taking in some nature and cheap beer in the Great Northwoods, requiring a two hour Bombardier SnowCat vehicle ride across Lake of the Woods north from Baudette, Minnesota (practically Canada). Needless to say, wireless internet access was not among the accomodations. So, my deepest apologies to my readership for the lack of recent posting. I was really only gone for a couple of days, but I was worried Henry was going to forget who I was. When I got back I swear Henry grew up a little bit. As soon as I left I think he started going to work on his core muscles to impress me. He can sit up way better now - no joke. The other thing is - and I know I have been saying this for two months - the little fellow is getting some hair. There has also been some loose talk by friends and relatives of his hair looking sorta strawberry blonde or red (like mine). I am just guessing here but, it has got to be a little easier to grow up with any color hair besides red. Nobody ever said "I'm gonna beat you like a brown haired stepchild". I guess I turned out OK. However, at a bare minimum, it takes thick skin, a sense of humor, and an above average 50 yard dash time to make it as a redhead. So, I won't be heart broken if he gets momma's elegant blonde locks.

Henry has nearly outgrown his favorite winter hat with the little raccoon ears. Too sad.

Who's this rotund Bozo with the bow tie and funny haircut?

You can tell Henry is going to be a Mensa level genius by the way he studies things. Admire his curious nature and his zest for knowledge as he examines his Humpty Dumpty plush doll. His intense gaze could burn a hole in the sun. He likes to touch things with his fingers and if I'm near him he reaches out with his little hands so he can touch my face (which actually includes eye gouging, fish hooking, hair pulling and nose picking - they don't even allow the first two in Ultimate Fighting Championship bouts. Henry James lives by one simple rule - NO RULES!).

Dawn of the Robot Era

After two weeks of nervous waiting, I got a phone call from Glenda at the hospital gift shop. She called to inform me that Henry's new Robeez were finally in. I guess there are some mixed emotions about this. On the one hand, it is sad to retire his 0-6 month sized "Little Bear Guy" Robeez. Henry liked them. I liked them. Everybody liked them.

However, with Glenda's phone call, a new era is beginning -- the size 6-12 month "Little Robot Guy" Robeez era. Even though they look like clown shoes on him now, these are likely to be the very shoes Henry will be wearing when he takes his first step.

In other developments:

• We switched from Nestle Good Start formula to Similac formula. It seemed kinda silly since we got all these coupons for Similac and sold them on fricken' eBay for roughly 65 cents on the dollar -- only to turn around and buy Nestle Good Start. It was a dirty cycle and I'm glad we stopped. There exists a weird and vigilant underground league of house moms that patrol eBay for formula coupons. I admire their thriftiness. So we done switched formula and Henry couldn't care less.
• Henry digs on the sweet potatoes. So, now we have pears and sweet potatoes. His palate is expanding.
• He still drools super duper bad. Not cool.
• In the proper lighting his head seems to be slightly fuzzier, giving the illusion of hair.
• Like many parents in these modern times, we have begun trying to communicate with Henry in sign language. It feels kind of silly at times and results are inconclusive at this point. More on this later.

Bring on the clowns....

Henry looks dashing as he lounges about in his extravagant Keys overalls.

First Time Father's Bath Time Gone Awry...

As I have mentioned before, Henry loves bath time. However, it should be noted that for the first six months Mom has been the sole bath giver. And apparently my excuse of "thats just not my gig" was getting old. It seemed complicated, what with the rubber duck and shampoo and rag and the tub has to fit in the sink just so...

Despite all this, I decided to give it a shot. Tough, tough deal. I hope I didn't taint his passion for bath time. Water everywhere.... I am hesitant to use the toaster or blender for a few days in order to give them a chance to dry out. There could be some issues with the circuitry. Giving him a bath is like trying to contain a howler monkey that's all jacked up on PCP.

The picture captures one of the brief moments he decided to pop up for air from one of his underwater, floppin' around, kicking sessions.

Obviously, momma had her technique down. In retrospect, I can think of a couple key factors that could make future baths go a little smoother.

• Less water - I think I may have used a little too much. There were huge pools of water all over in the kitchen. I at least could have moved all small appliances to another room.
• Keep a solid grip on the little guy at all times. Really, if you let go for a second, it's all over. They slide all around and kick.

In conclusion, less water, solid grip...and that's one to grow on.

Warning: Cuteness Overload...

Submitted for it's obvious cuteness is this picture of Henry's friend and kindred spirit Alison doing her best Benny Hinn impersonation in an attempt at healing Henry of his stinky burps and wicked ways.

Photo courtesy of Irene, used without permission.

TETONKA!

It took a while, but I finally found an appropriate outfit to go along with Henrys buckskin moccasins. Momma had to take a continuing education class this morning so the H-train and me decided to check out Value Thrift in the old Sunray Mall. BEHOLD :

Is it so wrong to dress your child in ridiculous outfits strictly for your own amusement?

I mean, Henry appears to be having a great time. Also, if you look real close you will notice in the background of the photo below there is a framed picture of Henry on the wall - a picture of Henry within a picture of Henry. This is the photographic equivalent of a play within a play which, I've been told by those active in theatre, is a pretty complicated deal.

I didn't even notice until later, but in the photo below, it appears that Henry is ever so coyly giving the camera the middle finger. The little bugger has no respect for his father...

Man-Burps!

I tried to coax Henry into putting on one of his remarkable and elegant ensembles and he would have nothing of it. He just wanted to lounge around the house in his sweats today and take it easy.

Earlier this evening, in a major dietary breakthrough, Henry gobbled up the pears like a famished lumberjack. Following the advice of Grandma Judester, we decided to try pears and peaches and sweeter fruits like that. We have no photographic evidence of this milestone. It just kinda happened and we were beside ourselves. Glorious.

Something that really strikes me lately is how bad Henrys burps smell. He does 'man-burps' now - and they smell like the slop sink in a mexican cottage cheese factory. Wicked stuff, I tell ya.

Here is a photo of his ravaged legs from the shots the other day.

Breaking News

Henry is recuperating from his appointment today. He braved a battery of three shots for his big six month check-up. He has one snowflake band-aid, one neon pink band-aid, and one regular old band-aid marking his wounds.

I have decided to officially stop using inches to measure his staggering height in favor of the more grown up feet and inches method. Hovering at the ninetieth percentile, Henry is two feet and four inches of twisted steel and machismo. At only six months of age, our little guy is a mere twenty inches from riding the big boy roller coasters at Valleyfair.

For those in the "guess Henry's weight" contest, he weighed in at a whopping 15 lbs. 15 oz. I decided to implement The Price is Right rules, which dictates that the winner is the closest to Henry's actual retail weight without going over. Under these guidelines Grandpa Fred is the winner, with a guess of 15 1/3 lbs. Otherwise, the Porkbone was only one ounce over with his stunningly accurate guess of 16 lbs.

His weight is only in the thirtieth percentile. The doctor said not to worry about him being a skinnier baby and that he was perfectly normal. She mentioned perfection like four times.

Also, Henry's head measured 45 centimeters (metric!). This falls in the eightieth percentile. That means that only twenty percent of all babies have larger heads than our little guy and I bet they probably can't even hold up their monsterous heads.

I also questioned the doctor on dealing with the H-Trains ongoing battle with chapped cheeks. We have tried the Aveeno and regular ol' petroleum jelly with mixed results. She claimed scientists have invented an ointment called "lanolin" that could help our situation. I will look into it.

You See Anything Up there, Little Guy?

The mood was grim at the Johnson household as family members took turns examining each other for head lice.

Walkin' on Sunshine

Momma and I took the H-Train for a little power walk aroung beautiful North Hudson today. We thought the family could use a little fresh air and exercize. In consideration of my activity levels lately, I'm a little surprised I don't have bed sores.

Momma thought he looked a little like the kid from A Christmas Story all bundled up in his cozy blue snowsuit.

As the photo illustrates, Henry has reached the point where he can face outwards in the Baby Bjorn* baby carrier - a major milestone for any child. This has to be quite a bit more exciting for him than facing me and drooling all over the joint.

Henry has his six month check up this coming Tuesday. Guess his weight and win a prize. Submit guesses in the comment section.




*A note to expectant mothers: the Baby Bjorn baby carrier rules. Seriously.

Henry Strikes a Casual Pose in his Tepee

Henry quickly put up his collar and struck this genteel pose right before I snapped this picture . It is pretty obvious he could take the world by storm as a baby model. He makes the Gerber baby look downright offensive.

He enjoys just sort of hanging loose in the new tepee he got for Christmas. I couldn't find an authentic tepee crafted from buffalo hide, so we had to settle on this one. He is two days shy of six months old and he already has his own little fort to retreat to when the pressures of drinking formula, playing with plush toys, and being ultra cute simply become too great.

The past couple of days Henry has invented a new game. His new game consists of him drinking about half of his bottle, then the second half of the bottle he gargles and spits formula and cackles like a crazed hyena. It seems to entertain him more so than his parents.

Triumph in the Face of Adversity: Henry's Battle with the Pink Eye

We really need to get more use out of his fringe vest before he becomes too massive for it. Henry is capable of producing some exquisite images for the camera. In addition to the photos you see here, the lady who took his 'black and white artistic baby photos' insisted on using one of her photos of H-Town for a business card, marking the beginning of his tenure as the unofficial spokesmodel for Dominique Nelson Photography. Likely, her business will now explode. The little guy is doing her a service.

This is basically the same picture as the one above but he is pooping. Every parent knows this face.

Henry has overcome his first major illness. He was battling the pink eye this past week. Sometimes he cries a little bit when we do his eye drops and that is no fun. But he has shown the kind of bravery and grit in the face of adversity one might expect from a gentleman of his stock.

While Henry has not yet learned how to press the button on the monkey truck, he has truly begun to master his exer-saucer. Displays of cunning dexterity have become a nightly ritual.

In this photo, Henry takes brief pause to admire the suede fringe on his vest. Noting its unusual color and texture, he later tries to eat the vest unsuccessfully.

Henry is kind of a hippie...

Henry has three hairs on his head that are approximately five inches long each, on his otherwise relatively bald head. They are an endless source of amusement for me. This morning our dog licked Henry's head while he was doing his reps in the Johnny Jump Up and it made the hairs kinda stick out. It was vaguely reminiscent of Bill Murray in Kingpin.

To your right, we have a picture of our little dude in his travel gear eagerly awaiting another another trip in the Honda.

Among other recent developments, Henry has begun sleeping in a "sleep sack". This is baby-product jive for "little tiny sleeping bag". We have one on loan from the daycare lady until Henry gets the ones he ordered off of the internet. Pretty sweet.

Seriously, six months! He is going to be all grown up before we know it. It seems like just yesterday that we were at the hospital welcoming gentle Henry into the world. As a refresher, here is one of his first photos - so small and fragile, yet still an elegant gentleman with an air of sophistication.

Henry James in Enter the Dragon: Part II

In light of recent events we have decided to enroll Henry in a fast track martial arts program. He is to study Jeet Kune Do (loosely translates to "way of the intercepting fist"), a fighting system developed by Bruce Lee in 1967. His sensei is Chet Wang (pictured below) of Wang's Jeet Kune Do. According to Mr. Wang, this new training regimine will make Henry tougher than woodpecker lips in no time flat.

Henry is still undecided on the concept of cereal. We have been offering him some very tasty green bean mush and he still just pushes the stuff aound in his mouth. I think he must ingest a little bit on accident. Oh well, it makes for pretty cute pictures...

Why do Heidi Klum & Seal Insist on Trying to Steal Our Thunder

I've been biting my tongue on this one since September 12, 2005. You see, this is the day celebrity-couple Seal (pop singer) and Heidi Klum (supermodel) announced to the world that they had their baby Henry - Henry Guenther Ademola Dashtu Samuel, to be exact. We were actually thinking about going with the name Henry James Dashtu Johnson and now I'm REALLY glad we didn't.

I imagine our Henry is superior to theirs in intelligence, beauty, and overall appeal. Find below evidence of Henry's elegance and his natural inclination towards deep pondering. One can also sense his appreciation of Mother Nature. This was an underappreciated shot from momma' s fall photo shoot. He is an intense and focused young man. The one and only Henry.

Henry in Red

Our little achiever has recovered from the trauma of witnessing his first robbery rather quickly. I tell you, he has nerves of steel.

Today's trivia question - Henry is:

a) an honorary member of the St. Paul Vulcan Krewe,

b) the ukulele player for the White Stripes,

c) outfitted in the colors of the North Branch Vikings to cheer on his cousin Jonny at this weekends wrestling tournament - in a touching display of school spirit.

OK, the most correct answer is 'c'.

I cannot recall another period in my life when time has passed at such a rapid clip. In two weeks our little Henrico Valdez is going to be six months old! Time has absolutely flown by.

As time passes, he is showing a broader range of emotions. He is getting real good at letting us know when he is upset. Another development is that he really thrashes around in his crib. We will tuck him in his crib at bedtime all tidy and proper and we will check on him in ten minutes and he will be totally rotated on the other side of the crib, flipped over, with one of his feet poking out between the snaps on the front of his jammies. He is restless and is going to be mobile in no time, ladies and gentlemen. Watch out.

To top it all off, somehow we have made this whole parenthood concept seem appealing to our friends since basically everyone we know is either expecting or has officially "pulled the goalie".

Terror at the Urban Harvest Sandwich Shop

Holy crap. You guys are not going to believe this. I took Henry into the office today since I had some urgent business to tend to. At around 1:00 pm I went to grab a late lunch to go - consisting of a sandwich and a cup of soup - for a co-worker and myself at the Urban Harvest in northeast Minneapolis. This is not a bad neighborhood, folks.

Anyhow, me and the little turd monkey were minding our own business and ordering our sandwiches with there respective fixin's and what not.... THE STORE WAS ROBBED WHILE WE WERE IN LINE GETTING OUR FOOD.

Gentle baby Henry was witness to his first felony. I guess if there is any humor to be found in this deal it was that I wasn't even aware of the robbery until after the fact. I was too smitten with the scent of smoked and salted lunchoen meats. I also had to pick between Currie Tomato Lentil and Italian Wedding soups. Apparently that was sufficient to distract me from noticing all the hubbub. Mmmmm.... sandwiches. I'd like to think that had I noticed, I would have administered a diving tackle followed by a Chuck Norris-style face massage.

In today's photo Henry is sporting another of his fine collection of western themed jumpsuits. This one, I am told, was custom made for a pet monkey belonging to Buck Owens, country western music sensation and frequent guest star of Hee Haw. You can get anything on eBay these days.

Henry "Tookie" Johnson

Can't elaborate too much on this one. Among the holiday stocking stuffers were these gems: matching do-rags for the munchkin and me. I think this is going to do wonders for Henry's "street cred". I'm not sure the same can be said for me.

Santa's Little Helper

This is our little dude on Christmas morning. Momma and I went to bed pretty early, so naturally we awoke pretty early, too. We were excited for Henry to check his stocking so we actually woke him up in the morning, marking the only time since he started sleeping throught the night that we have disturbed his sleepy time.

This little piggie...

Again, my apologies to my readership for my sporadic blogging practices. I think it was the holidays.

Henry has been very aware of his feet lately. He loves to suck on his toes. He does it when we are trying to change his diaper. He is very curious and fascinated by just about everything. He told me his New Year's resolution is to try to cut down on the slobbering.

Tune it Tokoyo....

I've been teaching Henry to use the computer so he can take over this blog dealie. He needs to start carrying his own weight - the sooner the better.

We think Henry might be about to get some teeth. He has been slobbering at seriously high levels. He wears a bib almost all the time now. It is like he has sprung a leak.

The other day while Henry was at the daycare he "made" ma and pa a very nice little Christmas ornament with his picture and his handprint on it commemorating his first Christmas . Momma was nearly weeping with pride and joy. I can only imagine her reaction when he makes us the wooden owl shaped key chain holder in middle school shop class (in the year 2018 approximately).

Here is our handsome little man trying his best to dress himself.

Well, we are pretty jacked up about celebrating Henry's first Christmas. Mom is making a chicken in her amazing new crock pot. Her new crock pot even came with a little crock pot called the "lil' dipper". A crock pot within a crock pot - what will they think of next. Our new family Christmas tradition is as follows:

• Christmas eve night we have an elegant chicken dinner.
• This is followed by sipping hot cocoa while we listen to 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' (on vinyl).
• Next, we open presents and then look at them and talk about them before retiring for the evening.
• Christmas morning we check our stockings to see if Santa gave us anything.
• Christmas is over.

Look ma, no pants!

Sorry for the delay, folks. I am usually pretty good about the updating every three days or so. However, the holiday season is in full swing and it has been a pretty hectic weekend. We had three Christmas gatherings over the weekend - one Saturday and two Sunday (not to mention a company Christmas party on Friday).

Henry met many, many aunts and uncles and great grandparents for the first time. Henry was dressed to impress in a reindeer Christmas sweater. Although his severely chapped cheeks may have slightly offset his handsome appearance. Holy smokes! The little guy got lots of presents.... toys, clothes, books, a savings bond, more toys, an old west themed night light and piggy bank (Henry says 'thanks Grampy Fred'... and thats just the beginning. We have three more Christmas gatherings to go to.

Henry proved to be quite the little trooper as he was passed around from auntie to auntie like a sack of potatoes.

Henry would also like to send a shout out to Uncle Steve who is in Iraq. He can't wait to meet him.

DRAW!

I don't think we've seen someone fill out a jumpsuit with more style or machismo since Mr. Roper captured America's heart on the television program Three's Company during the mid-1970s. Not much more needs to be said about this photo. Let's face it. He is a cute, cute baby. In other news, he started a new daycare regimen which we are all very happy about. The world is his oyster.

Ooh La La...

A few things to report:

• Momma and I are convinced that Henry is personally responsible for getting me out of a traffic ticket over the weekend . Thanks for the assist little buddy. We went to southern Chisago County to visit with with family and friends this past Friday evening. On our way home I may have rolled through a stop sign and may have been traveling at speeds in slight excess than those posted. However, our friendly officer decided to let us go with a warning "seeing as how we had the little guy with".
• We had our first non-relative teenage babysitter so Momma & Pa could go the the Radio City Christmas Extravaganza Festival of Lights & Dance featuring the one and only Rockettes (momma's idea). Perhaps our biggest dilemma was how much to pay the babysitter. We settled on a rate of approximately $7.00 per hour and she seemed ok with that.
• On a recent trip to Target momma purchased some formula and upon checking the receipt realized that we had been undercharged by quite a bit. I don't know if you folks have bought formula recently but the stuff is not cheap. So we have that going for us, which is nice.

Johnny Jump Up

Henry has officially begun his agility training. The Johnny Jump-Up contraption is assembled and installed. In the photo above, you might notice how Henry is able to skillfully maintain his workout regimine while inspecting one of his fuzzy toys.

Photo Shoot Gone Wrong?

There seems to be a recurring theme to moms improvised photo shoots with Henry - and I think he is getting a raw deal. I'm not sure what she was going for here.

Here is a photo from a little while back....

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Henry is embracing the spirit of the Yuletide with gusto and vigor. We got a "holiday tree" this weekend and some lights and and a star shaped treetopper and what not. We even drank hot cocoa.

Howdy Partner

The first week of mom being back at work and Henry at daycare on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and me working from home and watching him on Tuesday and Thursday has been a pretty big adjustment. However, the little fella has been getting along just swell. He has been exhibiting a flair for the wild west. We've got two poses for the price of one today:

THE COWBOY

THE OLD PROSPECTOR

Henry is getting more vocal all the time. In fact, sometimes I think he just likes to hear himself screech. That is all for now.