A Cry For Help -- Brittany Spears Style

We no longer take pictures of our child. Here is one from the vaults -- a classic. He is doing fabulous. However, we have decided it is time to stop the insanity and break him from the nuk. His momma read in one of her modern parenting magazines about how to perpetrate such a scheme on your child by snipping off the end of the nuks with a scissors. He pops the nuk into his mouth and immediately takes it out in disgust. He is onto our game and pretty mad about the situation from time to time but overall the transition is going well.

We learned one important lesson when we had our painting party at our old house in Hudson -- DON'T TAP THE KEG UNTIL AFTER THE PAINTING IS TOTALLY DONE. Drips and runs increase exponentially with alcohol. I should have known better. I will be extra careful not to make the same mistake again. We are having a painting party this coming weekend, March 3 & 4. I will be there day and night now through Saturday morning trying to get the whole thing taped and primed and ready for paint. Saturday and or Sunday, anytime, any help would be greatly appreciated. Elegant snacks consisting of caffeinated beverages, Oroe cookies, Doritos, possibly some artichoke dip and what not will be provided; Beer and whiskey served upon completion of a days work. The ol' lady is all over me to get this house finished up. Help a brother out. Did I mention the snacks and Old Milwaukee tall boys?

Below are our custom mortise and tenon stairs as Ike looks on. SWEET!

This is my garage - taped and sanded, eleven foot ceilings, in-floor heat, Andersen windows, welding recepticle. I already have a pin-up calender for decoration and planning purposes. Sweet Moses, I'm living the dream. I guess technically I won't be living the dream until it has garage doors and openers installed. Oh well, close enough for me.

Did anyone hear the street scuttle about that Anna Nicole Smith? I heard she had a baby in the Bahamas.

I Shot the Short Guy From Hall & Oates

Here are four beautiful generations of Johnson boys under one roof celebrating Grandpa Walt's 90th Birthday party. This was right before the dancing girls showed up.

Henry with Grandpa Bruce and Grandma Sue.

Here is Henry doing stuff in my garage. Henry has really taken to putting stuff on his head. Here he is wearing my old hardhat from the old days as a laborer. You can see the door I'm supposed to be staining in the background and the clawfoot tub I'm supposed to be refinishing in the background. I'm workin' on it.

When we were in Las Vegas we went to a shooting range where you can shoot machine guns. One of the fun parts about that is you get to pick out a target to shoot up. My question is whether the guy from Hall & Oates knows that there is a company that makes shooting targets bearing his likeness. Nice moustache.

Some of you already checked this out on YouTube - Here is a link to a video of Henry "helping" us learn the sex of baby #2.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbdwzGdtZoM

Play Dates, Wrestling Masks, Midgets, Sign Language & and a Cliffhanger Regarding the Sex of Baby #2

Henry had a play date with Baby Gracie last night. You can check out baby Gracie's blog BABYHEAD. It is not quite as elegant as Henry's blog, but I'm not here to judge. While you're at it, you could also check out Baby Elsa's blog, LIVE! FROM WYOMING, MN. Our posse of friends and associates all decided to have babies at the same time.

Despite the chaos of home construction going on, I was able to sneak out of town to Las Vegas last weekend with my brother. We went to some rock 'n' roll concerts and drank much beer. I also saw a latino midget dressed up as a leprechan - one of the highlights of the trip. Below is a photo of one of the bands. Note the ski masks - all the happenin' west coast bands wear ski masks or wrestling masks on stage and many have dancing girls on stage. This phenomenon is sorely lacking in the midwest.

These guys didn't wear masks but they make up for it by being the only band that I know of besides Spinal Tap that has more than one bass player. They need that extra bass. This is Deadbolt.

Henry's communication skills are developing very rapidly. He is always talking and babbling. He can understand most of the stuff we say to him and he usually tries to reply even if he doesn't make any sense at all. Here is a link to a video of Henry staking out the fridge for some milk. We no longer have to guess if he is hungry or thirsty. Sometimes I like to mess with him and make him say please three or four times before I give him anything just because it's cute.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEu5NgZcdXI

Things with the house are moving along nicely. The plumber, electrician, and heating guys are mostly done. We have stairs going to the basement and our garage slab was poured this past Tuesday.

Baby #2 is also moving along nicely. We had an ultrasound done last Monday and everything is allegedly normal. With Henry we opted not to find out the sex so we would have a fun surprise on the birthday. This tim we decided to have the nurse lady write down the sex of the baby and put it in an envelope if we decided we wanted to find out what it was. Well, we were unable to handle the suspense and immediately opened the envelope when we got home. I will make the official announcement after the immediate family gets the word. However, I will reveal that we were able to rule out a hermaphrodite! Our blessed lives continue.

Reading, House Stuff, Chickens & What Not

Henry is a big time reader. As you can see below, Henry would rather read than watch the Simpson's.

No time to keep up the blog lately. I promise when things get back to "normal" I will get this thing updated more, OK? Down the road when I look back at this specific period in my life I think I will refer to it as "my Vietnam". I am a prisoner in my own life -- afraid to answer to phone and discover the most recent horrors that goes along with being an amatuer general contractor. I could spend much more time complaining but I will spare my readership. Besides, it's starting to get kinda exciting at the house.

We have our furnace hooked up so its warm and we almost have the loft level flooring done. The concrete guys are doing there final grade in the garage and basement so we can put down the rigid foam and put down our tubing for the radiant heat. We have about 55% of the roof papered. I should have the woodstove hooked up in about a week or so. That's the major stuff.

Here's me and Lil' Guy hanging loose on the bridge. We have a bridge in our house. Henry has been acting up a bit lately so we have pulled him from daycare. Now I just drop him off at the house in the morning and put his freeloading butt to work. He can't do much in the way of heavy lifting -- I bet he could only bench press about 15 pounds -- so he mainly does clean up and that type of thing.I got the hang of sweeping really quick.He can do it one-handed...

He can even use two brooms at once.

The above photos remind me of a scene from the 1980s breakdancing film Breakin' where Ozone incorporates a broom into his dance routine -- or was it Breakin' 2: Electric Bugaloo?? I don't remember. I was always more of a Beat Street fan myself.

Henry's mama and I were pretty shocked the first time we turned around to find Henry climbing up a ladder at the house! Not cool.

Here's my baby and my baby's mama.

This weekend I spent a gift card I had from Fleet Farm on a flat-free wheelbarrow tire and some poultry raising equipment. I need to get my spring order ready so I can throw my hat into the farm fresh egg ring. Happy MLK to all. WHOO-HOO!

Henry Don't Take No Mess

This is Henry getting surly with the papparazzi. If you look closely at his tongue you will note some chewed club cracker residue. Henry has an insatiable appetite for the club cracker. If we ever decide to become hobos and ride the rails, Henry would be completely content with a diet of tepid water and club crackers.

For Christmas Henry gave me two bloody noses and a long scratch on my face. He has sharp fingernails and a mean fish hook move. Oh yeah, he also gave me a sweet down vest. We gave him a bunch of awesome presents including but not limited to various and sundry farm animal figurines (he is BIG into cows and can say Moo! on command -- but sometimes says Boo!), Little People stuff, a piggy bannk thing with fake money,and some other stuff. He got the new Fisher Price farm set from Grammy Judy and a really sweet Jeep from Grandpa Fred. He is also set in the footie jammie department for a while. Henry also got these sweet one peice old guy long johns.

Below is a picture of Henry getting super pissed because I can't figure out how to open one of his new toys. I think the toy manufacturers go a little over the top with the packaging. Also, it was about 5:30 in the morning. Not cool. Doesn't he seem generally disappointed in me?

Christmas came and went pretty fast. The highlight of the season was watching our little guy open up his presents and play with them.

Henry lost another great grandma in the week preceeding Christmas. My grandma passed away a couple weeks back after never really recovering from an aortic valve replacement surgery. She decided she didn't want to continue with dialysis and having about fifty tubes and contraptions and what not going in and out of her. We were able to visit her a couple of times and say our goodbyes and she seemed to get a kick out of seeing the little baby great grandchildren -- so that was nice.

The house continues to progress slowly. We have most of the front porch done. I might try and get the woodstove hooked up this weekend and possibly tackle a few other random tasks. I was hoping the son's a bitchin' Xcel energy dingleberry's would be done trenching in the utilities by now. Such is not case. I hate them so, so much.

Other than that, it has been a totally awesome holiday season!

Below is a link to a short documentary film of my wife and I putting Henry to bed on a typical Tuesday evening (about 7:03 pm). You may have to watch it a few times to catch the intricate dialogue.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bsNgxmE7hA

Welcome to the Henry James Christmas Spectacular!

We started Henry on piano lessons last week. He really fancies himself a song and dance man.

Notice how he really makes that Christmas sweater work for him.

Things are progressing at the Johnson Compound:

The house is starting to look a bit like a house now. We have some windows in and some of the rooms framed in. This weekend we got the the huge great room window in. It's super huge. I am not quite ready to relive that experience yet but let's say it always helps to double check your rough opening size before you install a 400 pound window. I said things to that window that I should not have said. This glorious window is presented below.

The rooms are starting to take shape.

Below is Henry in his chaps and a Strawberry Shortcake hat that he borrowed from Jada. Please withhold all Brokeback Mountain references in your comments.

Make Your Yuletide Gay?

The wife took Henry to see Santa last weekend. I had to do some stuff. One would think that the kind of guy that would be a volunteer Santa Guy would be all smiles and sunshine all the time, right? Are there 'a-hole' volunteer Santas you ask? Well -- get a load of this bozo...

Is it me or does it look like he's just kinda going through the motions? I guess he gets points for having the real beard -- but seriously doesn't it look like he's just doing this Santa gig to get away from the old lady for a while? Maybe this was a community service sentence for a drunken disorderly conduct conviction. I don't know.

Henry had pink eye or some eye goober disorder this past week. He also got into a scrap at daycare with one of his buddies. This time Henry was bitten. I guess payback is a real sucker. Our house isn't done yet.

Sasquatch, Stars Hollow, Lone Wolf McQuade

Henry peers at our house through the trees. He stays cozy in his down coat that he inherited from cousin Eli (blaze orange so disoriented hunters don't mistake him for a traipsing steed).

The picture below reminds me of that grainy 1970's footage where they show a sasquatch marauding through the woods of the Pacific Northwest. Except that is no sasquatch -- that is Henry James on the loose. He runs now. However, it looks like he is drunk and constantly about to fall when he runs. In the background you might notice our house. Within a couple weeks we might have it "dried in" (builder speak for having the roof shingled and moisture barrier up and windows on). Then we can get going on interior. There have been a few headaches but I guess things are going ok.

Sunday night was the official lighting ceremony for Chisago City. There were free carraige rides from horses that looked like the ones in the classic Budweiser commercials. Henry was impressed. There was also chestnuts, apple cider, open fires, Santa and what not. The whole scene was reminiscent of Stars Hollow we decided.

Henry can now say "please" and "more" in sign language. Although I think in his mind please means "I want". Now when he wants something he kinda grunts and then we make him say please and he makes a rubbing motion on his chest. Way too cute.

Last week I saw Lone Wolf McQuade for the first time in many, many years and was truly blown away by this powerhouse of a film. Chuck Norris paints an elegant tapestry of pathos and raw emotion as he does battle with nare-do-wells. Davey Carradine co-stars as a bad guy. There is also a wheel chair ridden bad guy midget with a beard. If your curiousity is not piqued at this point you better go get yourself checked out. Check it out.

Being Fabulous is a Full-Time Gig

So we finally got us a new camera. About damn time. I also switched over to the new version of Blogger. I'm not sure if there is any difference or not -- we'll see. Henry has been immediately and permanently transferred to the toddler room at daycare. Usually there is a transitional period of a few weeks but Henry started biting kids in the infant room and kinda wore out his welcome there. They said maybe he was bored or what not so they just switched him right over. He's a biter. Here is a dramatic recreation of Henry's transfer to the toddler room...

Henry LOVES books now and can't get enough of them. He likes to be read to and he's always grabbing books and demanding that we read to him. We gladly oblige.

Henry is babbling a lot now and says "mommy mommy" and "bye bye" and "no no". He has a limited vocabulary but he compensates by always saying his words twice.

Henry is AMAZING at using a spoon. He can eat yogurt like nobody's business...

The house is coming along. After a little bit of a delay we got the panel crew out there. We have some walls now. Soon we will have a garage.

(Insert obligatory cute bath time photo below)

Here's me posing with some wood. Note: porta crapper in the background -- $115 a month if you are curious. This one has toilet paper and hand sanitzer -- gotta take care of the workers.

We recently had to get Henry a new pair of shoes. We went cutesy and settled on the puppy shoes. These are Bobux and we ordered over the internet; no time for the shoe nazi these days. These are his fourth pair of soft-soled shoes if you count the short-lived Robot shoe era.

Henry is growing into some of the fabulous outfits he has accumulated over the times. It is really neat to see him run around in his kung-fu outfits with his lovie and nuk in tow like a toddling David Carradine.

Hobo Hank

I already have Henry's Halloween costume for next year.

He will be going as the world's smallest homeless person. Watch out -- because this little hobo will steal your can of baked beans and throw you from the boxcar! I found him this sweet corduroy blazer with suede elbow patches at the thrift store.

Rough morning for the little guy. He was a little cranky to begin with. Then I dress him up like a homeless guy. Then he runs around and starts crying and throwing stuff. For some reason the site of this makes me laugh hysterically which, in turn, makes Henry even more upset. I have to stop dressing him up like this or he is going to grow up an angry and confused young man.

HENRY MAD!

One of Henry's fun time activities is digging around in the hutch at my parents house. He likes carrying around cans of soup and boxes of cake mix.

Halloween Pictures and What Not

Henry was a puppy for Halloween. His costume is depicted in the above photos above and below. He had a Halloween Party at the daycare center and he also went trick-or-treating to at Grammy Judy's. He ate what I believe to be his first Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Pretty messy.

Henry recently had his 15 month check-up. He weighed 23 pounds and measured 31 inches. His percentages are starting to average out. However, his head is at the 90th percentile. Sometimes I think all the weights and measurements are less than accurate. I am sure the pediatric nurses have off days like the rest of the world or maybe come to work with a wicked hangover and goof up a few pounds here or an inch or two there. I don't know. Otherwise the Doc said he was cute as buttons and blossuming into an elegant toddler. I was complaining about how often he gets sick from the daycare and she said she would anticipate that he gets sick 8 to 10 more times over the winter. So we got that to look forward to...

It has been fun watching Henry interact and become a social dude. Jada (above in the fabulous navy track suit) just turned two years old and yells "Henwee Henwee Henwee!!!" anytime she sees him. Henry bit Jada right after this picture was taken because he didn't like her messin' with his ride. They said he has been showing some aggressive behaviors at daycare too. But that should change now that he is getting transitioned into the toddler room. I think some of the toddlers even wear big-boy underwear which is very intimidating for those in diapers.

Here is me and Henry patrolling the compound by four wheeler. Don't worry -- we go real slow. He really likes it.
Here is a picture taken from near our front entry looking up toward the peak of our to-be great room. This was when we were putting up the tongue and groove paneling. This weekend I got the footings for the porch in and finished up the last few boards of tongue and groove paneling. It is coming along slowly.