Poured Concrete & Other Delights....The Pawn America Digital Camera Saga Continues

The excavation is complete, the footings are poured, and the foundation walls are formed up and are supposed to be poured today. I decided to go with nine foot basement walls to overcompensate for having seven foot basement walls in our last house. I think poured wall foundations are the way to go. I took bids on several types of foundations and the poured concrete type are competive in price and a better product. Now, I have to pretend I know how to lay drain tile. I also have to put down the rigid foam insulation and tubing for the in-floor heat in the basement and garage.

We took Henry in to the doctor because he has been feverish and had a raspy Keith Richards-esque cough that we had mistakenly attributed to teething - WRONG! Our little achiever was diagnosed with bronchitis. He's been on the meds for a few days now and is doing lots better and sleeping much better. He's doing ok in the daycare center. It seems like we don't get to see him much lately -- kinda depressing. Ma has been very busy getting up to speed with her new teaching gig (new district, new grade and what have you) and I am trying to do the stuff with the new house and work full-time, all while juggling my reign as father and husband of the year. My two-in-one shampoo and conditioner continues to be a time saver and a blessing. However, I have switched from Pert Plus to Suave as a cost saving measure as we continue with the construction of our new house.

I am not sure if I mentioned this before but I was able to purchase a cow skull from a flea market vendor at the Almelund Threshing Show for twelve bucks. I intend to make one of those thingies at our driveway entrance and hang the skull over the top of the driveway. Kinda like this, only with a cow skull for added elgance and sophistication.

We may also have to come up with a cool name for our "ranch".

I found a camera at Pawn America just like my old one for $60. It doesn't work. So I have to go back to pawn shop and do some dickering. Maybe I will see if they would be willing to throw in the huge unicorn mirror for my troubles.

You want the word on the street? Talk to Applesauce...

OK, I really need to accept that we will not find our camera. I need to bite the bullet and buy a new digital camera soon. Our friends are having babies and Henry is just about walking and we gots no camera. I went down to the friendly Forest Lake pawn shop thinking I might find a deal on a used or stolen camera and they were all old and ridiculously overpriced -- like $120 for a 1.6 megapixel camera the size of a breadbox. No can do.

This is an old picture of Henry. It reminds me of the movie Mask -- the cool one with Sam Elliot and Cher, not the lame one. There is a scene in the movie where the deformed guy looks in an amusement park mirror and looks normal and has a revalation. In Henry's case, I think he is having the revelation that he is completely awesome and there is nothing anyone can do to change it.

So... Henry can take about a step or two if properly encouraged. The general concensus is that he will be walking in no time.

Henry has been running a fever the past few days and hasn't been sleeping through the night so good.

He was at his new daycare for the first full week. This place charges only slightly less per month than our old house payment. I get about three hours tops of face time per day with the little dude if I am lucky. I don't like it.

We have given Henry a new nickname. We call him Applesauce. It is like his street hustler name. He likes applesauce and that's what we call him.

We break ground on the house on Monday and get the footings started on Tuesday. I think this house stuff is another decent reason to have a camera.




I can relate to this picture because I have, only recently, conquered my addiction to the cruel and seductive mistress known as Eddy's Grand Cookie Dough Ice Cream. I still might do it on the weekends from time to time -- but never during the week...

I promise to get a camera soon.

Hardcore Corn

Our digital camera has gone M.I.A. Not cool. So, I don't have much for pictures and what not and I haven't posted for a while. After analyzing my Site Meter statistics, I have concluded that my readership in France and in the Mission, Kansas area has all but given up on me. What is a guy to do?

Even though it is rated R for adult language and snakes and what not, I promised Henry we would take him to see Snakes on a Plane if he could finish off an entire ear of corn on his own and the little bugger did it. He only has four and a half teeth -- but he did it.

I received this complimentary calender from a bank a while back. Each month features a different pioneer days scene and I'll be damned if Henry's head doesn't keep ending up transposed on that of the pioneer. I am considering this for a monthly feature on Henry James Johnson: An American Legend...

We received our building permit in the mail the yesterday. Kinda exciting. We were assigned an address, too. Things should be happening soon. Excavating and footings and septic systems and what have you... All the good stuff.

We had settled on a new daycare lady. However, it was recently discovered that our interpretation of her as "fun and new-agey" turned out to be more like "flakey and possibly mentally unstable". So, we had to scramble and put him in a center for now starting on Monday. Ma had to go sign a permission slip for buggy rides today. Sweet.

A few days back, Henry pulled off one of the heat registers and threw Ma's cell phone down it. Luckily, my dad was able to fish it out. He loves cell phones, maybe he hates 'em -- I don't know. He rendered one of my cell phones useless after sucking on it for about three minutes. He also managed to break my financial calculator ($79), Chuck Norris-style.

He has also developed the habit of pulling out wipes as his diaper is getting changed. This works well when he has a super poopy diaper as I can just grab 'em and wipe as quick as he can dish 'em out -- but it is not-so-great the rest of the time.

That's all I got for now. Seacrest, out!

Full Flavor!

Since the move and the wife's subsequent new job, we are forced to seek new daycare. Finding a new daycare provider is a serious drag. Luckily my productive and efficient wife is in charge of that so I can concentrate on various other endeavors.

This lady will provide full-time professional care in a structured and disciplined environment for the nominal fee of $85 and one carton of Doral Full Flavor 100's per week. Not too shabby... We are going to explore our options nonetheless.

We had steak and corn on the cob at Grammy Judy's place last nite. For whatever reason, his teeth are coming in in a very random pattern, his upper gumline goes gum, tooth, gum, tooth, gum. Despite having a less than ideal bite for the task, Henry liked the cob corn very much.

Henry had his one year check up last week. He is hovering at just over 20 pounds. He has dropped to the tenth percentile for weight. His height is at the sixtieth percentile. His new pediatrician has diagnosed him with acute and persistent awesomeness.

His hair is filling in rather nicely and has been described as both thick and luxurious. He is also developing a killer set of six pack abs.

Henry is a total freak for mandarin oranges. Grapes, too. And hummus toast.

Henry James Birthday Festival - continued...

Henry got a ton of presents...

As the party progressed, and after consuming copious amounts of watermelon, Henry's cousin Jada bore a striking resemblence to Sissy Spacek's character in the movie Carrie (or is it just me?).

Henry was less than into the cake. We had to take of his shirt 'cuz he got frosting all over it. Note the look of excitement on Mama's face.



Here, Henry encounters a Texas-style rubber duckie and attempts to choke the life out of it because it displeases him. This is a huge rubber duck -- big -- and our little Henry is virtually manhandling the poor thing. Note the sweet cap he is wearing; a gift from Sean.

Henry's Western Themed Birthday Soiree

Henry had his birthday party last Saturday. Grandpa Fred embraced the western themed party, arriving in complete old west regalia. Here he is showing Henry the finer points of his new red wagon with off road tires and optional flag holder. Despite his deep admiration for his new wagon, Henry was not happy at this particular moment.

Henry checks out his horse cake, made with love from Mama... He didn't want to eat it at all -- he smeared the cake all over himself and Mama... Check out his little cowboy boots on the table.

More photos and what not from Henry's first birthday later...

Happy Birthday!

Henry is one year old today. My little family has been through a very grueling week or so, mentally and physically. Last Sunday Henry's Great Grammy Pauline passed away peacefully. Very sad.

We had to move last Saturday (100+ degrees) and Sunday (raining). And not just the little stuff. We saved the big stuff for last. Folks, I own a full size Q-Bert arcade game that really should have stayed in that basement for eternity. Don't get me started on ping pong tables. Lots of swearing at inanimate objects. My body still hurts a little bit. Big thanks to brother Sam for the moving assistance and to Irene for watching the Hankster while we packed up and for replenishing my electrolytes and what not with Gatorade.

On a troubling side note, my wife and I went to apply for Minnesota citizenship and discovered we have to retake our drivers license exam to be legit. What is with this state and it's three-two beer and crazy laws. I already miss my adopted home of Wisconsin, the fine state that entrusts it's citizenry with fireworks and the option to buy liquor on Sundays. Three-two beer is just a nasty rumour in Wisconsin. We lived about 25 miles from the Cheese Curd Capital of the World. Now, we got nothin'. Bupkiss -- and a 75 mile trek to the Cheese Curd Capital of the World.

Henry got his first hair cut recently. It is reflected in the above photo (the picture was taken this morning approximately four minutes before his exact birth moment one year ago). We have his hair in a baggie and now we lost the baggie. The search for hair baggie continues...

He's got teeth popping through all over the joint and he loves to throw things and now he drinks organic whole milk mixed with his formula.

That is all for now.

Henry James: Captain of Industry, Friend to All

Henry got to hang out with his buddy Luke the other day. This picture is funny. Henry looks distant and a bit lethargic as Luke mugs for the camera...

Henry is now an agricultural dynamo. Below, he practices the finer points of animal husbandry and crop management with his newly acquired Fisher Price Farmin' Starter Kit (thanks Irene & Chris).

Henry James Dumbfounds Scientists & Laypersons Alike With Elegance & Overall Cuteness

Researchers recently reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association that I have the cutest baby in the friggin' universe -- HANDS DOWN!

Do you have any Grey Poupon?

Henry woke up this morning at 6:30 with about a gallon of poop in his diapers, on his legs, all over the crib, all over the changing table, all over his dad. Not exactly the best way to "jumpstart" the morning. I think it was the first diaper change that actually required two people. It was like a Dijon Spicy Mustard factory began production in his diaper.

This weekend was kinda harsh, also. Henry has one of his upper teeth poking through. His lower ones were no problem compared to this. He was seriously upset and inconsolable at times. Not good. But I had a brilliant idea that could potentially make me a millionaire:
If they let cancer and AIDS patients smoke marijuana can't we make baby orajel stuff with actual cocaine in it for serious infant teething situations? I'm just thinking out loud here.

Mama claims Henry stood up on his own yesterday.

His diet is expanding. Lots of grown up foods and stuff. This morning he had some wheat bread with hummus on it... He also had these things the other day that came in a jar and I think they are some type of miscellaneous meat product and they looked like pickled human fingers. Kinda weird.

He is getting closer to saying some real words. He says "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII" for Ike (our dog). And we can make him say "Uh-oh"....

I have been unable to find the time to do any amazing photo shoots with Henry in fabulous attire. So, for your viewing pleasure I submit the following photo of this guy:

I think he was Intramural Dungeons & Dragons champion at UW-Stout in 1998. His name is Wendall, if I remember correctly.

PERT PLUS FOR LIFE

Oh boy. There are simply not enough hours in the day. Luckily, my wife has turned me on to this amazing new product that has revolutionized my life. It is a shampoo and conditioner in one. So now that extra 45 seconds to three minutes that I used to waste on conditioning my hair with a separate component can be more efficiently utilized, or it can just be my time to relax -- "me time", if you will.

Yep, we have been busy. The closing on our house is rapidly approaching, so we are boxing up and moving out. I am just about done getting bids on everything for the new house so I can go to the bank and dazzle them with my boyish charm, blueprints and sworn construction statement.

To top it off, Henry's 1st birthday is four days after we close on the house. Things are going to get a little dicey. We won't let that steal lil' Henry's thunder. We have a wild, wild west themed party planned at Grammy Judy's Ranch. Here is the photo for the invitations that I came up with.

Henry has been doing fabulous. He is becoming more of a character by the minute. Momma started taking him to a reading club at the local library on Wednesdays. They have stories read to them by professional librarians and puppet shows -- apparently Henry is coo-coo for puppet shows. Momma said he really lit up and it brought tears to her eyes to see him having such a hoot. Aterwards, they got to play around in a refrigerator box fashioned into a barn. Hee haw.

What a Handsome Little Devil...

Henry had his nine month photos at Target a while ago. I guess it would be when he was nine months old. This is his 'business casua' look. The photographer thought it would add an element of whimsy if he was barefoot. Brilliant.

Here is his Target copyrighted photo...

Becoming Mr. Furley (Sans Footwear)

With the wedding season briskly approaching, Henry was in dire need of appropriate formal wear. A guy needs one solid suit he can wear for such occassions. I finally settled on this circa 1977 gem from the Unique Thrift Store. I am still trying to locate some patent leather footwear in his size to go with the suit. There just isn't much out there... He should really have a moustache, too. However, I think that is simply out of the question. Is it just me or does he look like a mini-Mr. Furley from Threes Company?

Henry has started using this little rubber duckie as a nuk.

Food & Feet

Momma has decided it would be best to give the Hankster a more active role in his eating. Here is his first attempt to feed himself. I hope the messy-faced baby pictures aren't becoming too "old hat".

Hmmm, yogurt. Not bad.

Here he is checking out the goods in our fridge.

Don't mind if I do...

This is a picture of Crystal's swollen pregnancy feet which I was instructed to put on this blog dealie. Glad I am a dude.

*Lately, Henry wants to get his day started at about 5:30 am. We are tired.

*Momma's last day of teaching for the year is Thursday, so I am done working from home on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

*Henry is still getting over a wicked cold. He made it through cold season, but let his guard down when it was 90 degrees outside. Sweet. We have finally discovered that sick babies are not so fun.

*So, so tired...very tired.

Henry Eats June Bug

I was told that Henry ate a june bug today. That's my boy...

Loungin'

Here is Henry hatching his escape plan from his kiddie pool at the Memorial Day bash. We have since invested in "swimmer" diapers. The regular ones take on about 148 ounces of water and look very comical once completely saturated. Eventually we just let him go skinny dippin'.

Happy Ten Month Birthday to the Master of the Sippy Cup

Most sincere apologies to my readership (all 11 of you) for my lackodaisical blogging practices as of late. Kinda busy lately.


Henry is showing true mastery of the sippy cup. We have trained him to say "ahh" after he takes a pull of water from his sippy cup. It is dang cute, too.

As you can see, Henry is still just rocking the two teeth.

Tonite, after I stripped Henry down for his evening bath, I took nude Henry out into the living room to say hi to mama and said "Hey, Henry has something to say to you" -- just then Henry peed all over the living room floor. I laughed so hard that it startled the little feller and he stopped mid-stream. Good times...

Henry Spends Evening at Cabin with Friends, Wins Hearts & Minds

We took Henry on a little overnight trip up north at a friends cabin last weekend. All things considered, things went pretty well and Henry was a well-behaved young man. He is a good little traveler. Here are a couple more pictures...

The boys went fishing and the girls... ate bacon... and Cheetos.

A Young Hugh Hefner...

Henry got this terry cloth smoking robe from Grammy Judy. I am not sure if there is supposed to be bottoms for it or what the deal is exactly, but Henry is free as the breeze in this thing. As you can see, the photo has been slightly manipulated to obscure his bits and pieces. The look on his face is priceless. It's like he knows he's being mildly exploited for our amusement and he doesn't like it.

Here's another good one. The other day Henry was digging around in his little toy box and really had his heart set on a peek-a-block way in the corner on the bottom. He kept a-reachin' and a- stretchin' and then his feet would leave the ground and he would teeter back and forth. He never quite got that peek-a-block but I could not help but admire his tenacity and zeal.

He is getting just plain dangerous with his constantly pulling himself up to a standing position. He hasn't figured out what to do after he is standing, which has resulted in many bumps and bruises.

Coming Soon: The New Johnson Family Compound

Henry has demanded more suitable living conditions. Some of you folks might not know -- but we are building a new home (aka the compound) this fall on ten acres yonder north a bit from Chisago City . There is no turning back now, since we just put our house up for sale and it sold on the first showing. To make things worse, I will serve as the general contractor in my "free time". Things could get ugly. Here are some pictures of our "spread".

It is about half wooded and half pasture and it even has a large permanent puddle that could be confused for a pond. It has a bunch of different types of trees -- lots of cedars and some maples. Here is a picture of a big old Tim Burton-style maple tree that is in our woods:

This is the field. I have been tossing around the idea of getting some livestock. Possibly a chicken or two, maybe a turkey named Gobbles. We own clear back to the tree line, roughly 1,320 feet.

The house will feature timber framing enclosed with structural insulated panel walls. Timber framing is an age-old technique utilizing mortise and tenon joinery and really big timbers. It looks sweet. Below is a picture of a timber frame similar to the one we will have, except ours will have a two car garage and a little mud room attached so mama doesn't yell at me to take off my shoes. The structural insulated panels are sweet because they offer an R-value 40% to 60% higher than that of a conventionally wood framed house. Basically, that means I could produce enough gas to heat the house for a year if you gave me a case of Natural Ice Light and a jar of pickled fish. But seriously, really low heating bills.

This is kinda what it should look like looking up from the great room...

I hope Henry and mama like it and I really hope this whole deal doesn't drive me to the point of dementia or financial ruin.

In other recent developments, Henry boasts an astounding two word vocabulary. He says "dada" or "dad" quite a bit, although I still don't think he means it. He also says a word that sorta sounds like "fish sticks". This is strange since we don't recall ever saying fish sticks to him or within earshot of him. It could simply be a testament to his genius.

Also, on the traumatic side, mama was feeding him zwieback toast the other day and he started choking on a little piece for about ten seconds.

In conclusion, we sold our house, are building a new one, and are getting a turkey named Gobbles. Also, zwieback toast is a total menace and is being considered for banishment from our house.

What a Wookie...

I thought it was time to start Henry on his vintage T-shirt collection. Here is Henry looking sophisticated and extravagent in a Chewbacca Return of the Jedi shirt circa 1983. He thought it was too cool to even wear -- but I insisted.

Is it just me, or has his nose taken on a permanent orange tint from extreme consumption of squash, peaches, sweet potatoes, and all things orange?

In other recent developments, Henry has begun to show his mastery of the sippy cup. He also has been really keen on the thingie in the picture below. You cram-a-lam little fruit chunks and what not in it and he gnaws on it.

Henry has been a little bit crabby and snotty the past few days. All indications point to his first cold. Poor little dude. As a result, Henry and I have struck a gentlemen's agreement regarding alternative temperature taking practices. No can do, no can do.

Henry and the Amazing Green Milk Crate

I call this photo shoot "The Child Endangerment Series". It maybe looks a little worse than it really was. We just went real slow up and down the driveway -- just like Rainman. Henry loved it. He was howling.

Then we would take a little break and hang out for a while...

Then we would cruise a little bit more.

Henry had his nine month check-up today. I am happy to report that Henry is a doctor inspected and approved happy and healthy baby (pending the results of the blood tests to check his hemoglobin and make sure he hasn't been feasting on lead paint chips!). Henry is 18 pounds and 7 ounces of twisted steel and unbridled fury (this falls into the 25% level). His height is a staggering 30 inches, or two feet and six inches (90%). The doctor called him a string bean a couple times but said he is a totally healthy little guy. His head circumfrence is an amazing 47 centimeters.