Henry Don't Take No Mess

This is Henry getting surly with the papparazzi. If you look closely at his tongue you will note some chewed club cracker residue. Henry has an insatiable appetite for the club cracker. If we ever decide to become hobos and ride the rails, Henry would be completely content with a diet of tepid water and club crackers.

For Christmas Henry gave me two bloody noses and a long scratch on my face. He has sharp fingernails and a mean fish hook move. Oh yeah, he also gave me a sweet down vest. We gave him a bunch of awesome presents including but not limited to various and sundry farm animal figurines (he is BIG into cows and can say Moo! on command -- but sometimes says Boo!), Little People stuff, a piggy bannk thing with fake money,and some other stuff. He got the new Fisher Price farm set from Grammy Judy and a really sweet Jeep from Grandpa Fred. He is also set in the footie jammie department for a while. Henry also got these sweet one peice old guy long johns.

Below is a picture of Henry getting super pissed because I can't figure out how to open one of his new toys. I think the toy manufacturers go a little over the top with the packaging. Also, it was about 5:30 in the morning. Not cool. Doesn't he seem generally disappointed in me?

Christmas came and went pretty fast. The highlight of the season was watching our little guy open up his presents and play with them.

Henry lost another great grandma in the week preceeding Christmas. My grandma passed away a couple weeks back after never really recovering from an aortic valve replacement surgery. She decided she didn't want to continue with dialysis and having about fifty tubes and contraptions and what not going in and out of her. We were able to visit her a couple of times and say our goodbyes and she seemed to get a kick out of seeing the little baby great grandchildren -- so that was nice.

The house continues to progress slowly. We have most of the front porch done. I might try and get the woodstove hooked up this weekend and possibly tackle a few other random tasks. I was hoping the son's a bitchin' Xcel energy dingleberry's would be done trenching in the utilities by now. Such is not case. I hate them so, so much.

Other than that, it has been a totally awesome holiday season!

Below is a link to a short documentary film of my wife and I putting Henry to bed on a typical Tuesday evening (about 7:03 pm). You may have to watch it a few times to catch the intricate dialogue.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bsNgxmE7hA

Welcome to the Henry James Christmas Spectacular!

We started Henry on piano lessons last week. He really fancies himself a song and dance man.

Notice how he really makes that Christmas sweater work for him.

Things are progressing at the Johnson Compound:

The house is starting to look a bit like a house now. We have some windows in and some of the rooms framed in. This weekend we got the the huge great room window in. It's super huge. I am not quite ready to relive that experience yet but let's say it always helps to double check your rough opening size before you install a 400 pound window. I said things to that window that I should not have said. This glorious window is presented below.

The rooms are starting to take shape.

Below is Henry in his chaps and a Strawberry Shortcake hat that he borrowed from Jada. Please withhold all Brokeback Mountain references in your comments.

Make Your Yuletide Gay?

The wife took Henry to see Santa last weekend. I had to do some stuff. One would think that the kind of guy that would be a volunteer Santa Guy would be all smiles and sunshine all the time, right? Are there 'a-hole' volunteer Santas you ask? Well -- get a load of this bozo...

Is it me or does it look like he's just kinda going through the motions? I guess he gets points for having the real beard -- but seriously doesn't it look like he's just doing this Santa gig to get away from the old lady for a while? Maybe this was a community service sentence for a drunken disorderly conduct conviction. I don't know.

Henry had pink eye or some eye goober disorder this past week. He also got into a scrap at daycare with one of his buddies. This time Henry was bitten. I guess payback is a real sucker. Our house isn't done yet.

Sasquatch, Stars Hollow, Lone Wolf McQuade

Henry peers at our house through the trees. He stays cozy in his down coat that he inherited from cousin Eli (blaze orange so disoriented hunters don't mistake him for a traipsing steed).

The picture below reminds me of that grainy 1970's footage where they show a sasquatch marauding through the woods of the Pacific Northwest. Except that is no sasquatch -- that is Henry James on the loose. He runs now. However, it looks like he is drunk and constantly about to fall when he runs. In the background you might notice our house. Within a couple weeks we might have it "dried in" (builder speak for having the roof shingled and moisture barrier up and windows on). Then we can get going on interior. There have been a few headaches but I guess things are going ok.

Sunday night was the official lighting ceremony for Chisago City. There were free carraige rides from horses that looked like the ones in the classic Budweiser commercials. Henry was impressed. There was also chestnuts, apple cider, open fires, Santa and what not. The whole scene was reminiscent of Stars Hollow we decided.

Henry can now say "please" and "more" in sign language. Although I think in his mind please means "I want". Now when he wants something he kinda grunts and then we make him say please and he makes a rubbing motion on his chest. Way too cute.

Last week I saw Lone Wolf McQuade for the first time in many, many years and was truly blown away by this powerhouse of a film. Chuck Norris paints an elegant tapestry of pathos and raw emotion as he does battle with nare-do-wells. Davey Carradine co-stars as a bad guy. There is also a wheel chair ridden bad guy midget with a beard. If your curiousity is not piqued at this point you better go get yourself checked out. Check it out.

Being Fabulous is a Full-Time Gig

So we finally got us a new camera. About damn time. I also switched over to the new version of Blogger. I'm not sure if there is any difference or not -- we'll see. Henry has been immediately and permanently transferred to the toddler room at daycare. Usually there is a transitional period of a few weeks but Henry started biting kids in the infant room and kinda wore out his welcome there. They said maybe he was bored or what not so they just switched him right over. He's a biter. Here is a dramatic recreation of Henry's transfer to the toddler room...

Henry LOVES books now and can't get enough of them. He likes to be read to and he's always grabbing books and demanding that we read to him. We gladly oblige.

Henry is babbling a lot now and says "mommy mommy" and "bye bye" and "no no". He has a limited vocabulary but he compensates by always saying his words twice.

Henry is AMAZING at using a spoon. He can eat yogurt like nobody's business...

The house is coming along. After a little bit of a delay we got the panel crew out there. We have some walls now. Soon we will have a garage.

(Insert obligatory cute bath time photo below)

Here's me posing with some wood. Note: porta crapper in the background -- $115 a month if you are curious. This one has toilet paper and hand sanitzer -- gotta take care of the workers.

We recently had to get Henry a new pair of shoes. We went cutesy and settled on the puppy shoes. These are Bobux and we ordered over the internet; no time for the shoe nazi these days. These are his fourth pair of soft-soled shoes if you count the short-lived Robot shoe era.

Henry is growing into some of the fabulous outfits he has accumulated over the times. It is really neat to see him run around in his kung-fu outfits with his lovie and nuk in tow like a toddling David Carradine.

Hobo Hank

I already have Henry's Halloween costume for next year.

He will be going as the world's smallest homeless person. Watch out -- because this little hobo will steal your can of baked beans and throw you from the boxcar! I found him this sweet corduroy blazer with suede elbow patches at the thrift store.

Rough morning for the little guy. He was a little cranky to begin with. Then I dress him up like a homeless guy. Then he runs around and starts crying and throwing stuff. For some reason the site of this makes me laugh hysterically which, in turn, makes Henry even more upset. I have to stop dressing him up like this or he is going to grow up an angry and confused young man.

HENRY MAD!

One of Henry's fun time activities is digging around in the hutch at my parents house. He likes carrying around cans of soup and boxes of cake mix.

Halloween Pictures and What Not

Henry was a puppy for Halloween. His costume is depicted in the above photos above and below. He had a Halloween Party at the daycare center and he also went trick-or-treating to at Grammy Judy's. He ate what I believe to be his first Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Pretty messy.

Henry recently had his 15 month check-up. He weighed 23 pounds and measured 31 inches. His percentages are starting to average out. However, his head is at the 90th percentile. Sometimes I think all the weights and measurements are less than accurate. I am sure the pediatric nurses have off days like the rest of the world or maybe come to work with a wicked hangover and goof up a few pounds here or an inch or two there. I don't know. Otherwise the Doc said he was cute as buttons and blossuming into an elegant toddler. I was complaining about how often he gets sick from the daycare and she said she would anticipate that he gets sick 8 to 10 more times over the winter. So we got that to look forward to...

It has been fun watching Henry interact and become a social dude. Jada (above in the fabulous navy track suit) just turned two years old and yells "Henwee Henwee Henwee!!!" anytime she sees him. Henry bit Jada right after this picture was taken because he didn't like her messin' with his ride. They said he has been showing some aggressive behaviors at daycare too. But that should change now that he is getting transitioned into the toddler room. I think some of the toddlers even wear big-boy underwear which is very intimidating for those in diapers.

Here is me and Henry patrolling the compound by four wheeler. Don't worry -- we go real slow. He really likes it.
Here is a picture taken from near our front entry looking up toward the peak of our to-be great room. This was when we were putting up the tongue and groove paneling. This weekend I got the footings for the porch in and finished up the last few boards of tongue and groove paneling. It is coming along slowly.

Chisago City Youth Scales Mountain of Pumpkins, Downs Apple Cider and Laughs in the Face of Danger, Ponders New Addition to Family

Here is our elegant son having fun and generally being awesome on a recent trip to the pumpkin patch. Henry has been acting pretty cocky lately since he found out he is getting bumped up to the toddler room at daycare. I hope none of his new toddler peers make fun of him for carrying around his lovie all the time.



This picture is a couple weeks old. The timber framers were about 75% at this point. They are done now and we are currently gearing up to finish the ceiling paneling before the Stuctural Insulated Panel crew arrives in a week or so. We should also be getting the 2x6 prefinished flooring for the loft level soon, courtesy of Great Lakes Lumber -- visit them on the web at LumberBob.com and be sure and tell 'em Henry James sent ya'!

Lastly, the wife has insisted that I make the big announcement via the worldwide interlink. New Guy is the bean on the upper left -- the other bean is the yolk sack. Yep, that's right-- she's pregnant, AGAIN... and I didn't even need the use of my left arm! Sweet.

Excited but kinda nervous is what I am... Henry has been a big ole' pill lately and I'm not sure we are ready to double that pleasure and fun. Oh well, here we go again.

Crap, now we have to pick out another name.

Holy Crapola

My apologies for the lack of updates recently. We've been very busy lately. Last weekend I assembled a small crew of gentleman to assist me in putting up some prefinished pine tongue and groove ceiling paneling on the new house. A big thanks to my brothers, dad, and friends and to Grandpa Fred for all the assistance as I complete this project. It is starting to look fabulous and spectacular.

I am beginning to think I should really buy a new digital camera. This business of buying disposable cameras and developing and scanning pictures is getting old really fast.

Here is a picture of me, momma, Henry and my dad enjoying a nature hike on my nature trail. Nature! Speaking of which, it was a beautiful sunrise this morning. The sky was purple and blue and yellow and orange. I took Henry out on my parent's deck and we admired it for a brief moment. Henry pointed at it and went "ooh ooh". That is his primary means of communicating at this point. He points at stuff and grunts and what not. If he wants something badly he starts waving his hands and grunts more feverishly.

After the Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease scare from a couple weeks back, Henry got a nasty case of the flu last week. Little Guy woke up with a crib full of puke'n'poop. We are just lucky he didn't pull a Jimi Hendrix... Messy ordeal. And contagious. Somehow I avoided it but my "old lady" was not so lucky. Apparantly it wiped out a substantial portion of the daycare staff and studentry as well. Yikes.

I promise to post more photos of the Little Guy and the house this week.

TURD GOBBLIN': The Daycare Adventures of Henry James and the Myriad Joys of Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease!

Dear Diary:

Henry had a really bad night on Monday. He didn't really sleep for more than 15 minutes the entire night except for one stint from around 3 to 5 o'clock and appeared to be in pain and pretty much inconsolible. We hadn't had a night quite like that since the first couple of weeks we brought him home. He also still has lingering chest phlegminess from when we brought him in to see the doctor about a month ago. He took some meds but it returned as fast as it went away. So now we have a combo baby sickness. An informal poll of moms and old ladies and what not indicated likely ear infection or gas. I thought maybe it was gas because the next morning he took a Texas-sized dookie consisting almost entirely of undigested rice and color crayons -- but I'm no doctor. Anyway, I think the mystery is now solved. I took him to daycare this morning and was talking one of his provider ladies and she said there is a little of the ole' Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease* going 'round. Sure enough, he had a couple of little blisters on his tongue and it all makes sense now. Spec-friggin'-tacular. So apparently Henry just crawls around at daycare all day and scours the floor looking for turd pebbles to eat.

Signed,
Sleepless-One-Armed-Dingleberry-Guy


*Note: Not to be confused with the feared livestock disease Foot and Mouth Disease -- different deal altogether. I didn't know this right away and was equally shocked and confused when daycare lady told me she thought Henry was afflicted with the same menace that cancelled elections and soccer matches in Europe amid widespread panic.

When he is not too busy gobbling turds, Henry enjoys crafts like fruit stamping! Here is his first work of art:

House Update: The walk-out wall is done and the floor trusses and subflooring are done. The timberframers are on-site assembling the timbers now and should be done Tuesday or so. The plumber does his ground work and sewer tie-in and what not on Friday hopefully. Then we can get the tubing done for the radiant heat and get the concrete poured before it gets too cold. I also had a portable crapper brought in for the subcontractors!

One more week and I get to have my long-arm cast replaced with a short-arm cast so I can move my elbow, then only eight more weeks to go until total freedom!

Henry James: The Celebrity Look-A-Like

I uploaded a picture of Henry to an online dealie that scans a picture and tells you which celebrities you look like. The website is called My Heritage. As you may have guessed, Henry most resembles Earvin "Magic" Johnson, the 6'8" (and black) former NBA point guard for the Showtime-Era Los Angeles Lakers with the infections smile and mild case of the HIV.

Also implicated are Boris Yeltsan, Tori Amos, Lauren BaCall, Oprah Winfrey, some asian guy, along with Ross Perot and sitar virtuoso Ravi Shanker.

I am still trying to sort out how I feel about all of this.

Autumn Notes

It was a very beautiful weekend in southern Chisago County. The weather was swell and the fall colors were in their full glory. If John Denver hadn't tragically died crashing his experimental aircraft some years back, he may have penned a wonderful song about the view from our porch during this glorious time of the year. We have a bunch of maple trees between our house and the road -- this will be the view from our front porch.

I even got some miscellaneous crap accomplished despite my current status as a "handi-capable" person. Basically, I put my little fishing boat away for the year and also somehow managed to find some of my winter clothes and jackets that I had ingeniously put in the very back our rented storage unit. Actually, I just sort of pointed to where everything was and my little brother had to dig everything out on account of me being all gimped-up and what not.

The fine people from Perry Excavating finished backfilling around our foundation last Friday and are installing the septic system and putting in some driveway material today. The picture below basically represents the view from our dining room.

I am standing on a pile of dirt looking northerly toward our foundation and stuff. Henry glares at me.

This is the little pond swamp dealie on the northeast corner of our property, near the road. We are thinking maybe in a few years we can clear a little skating rink for Henry and his posse to play broomball on.

Below, Henry chills out in the massage chair at my folks house. Just like everyone else, Henry likes to unwind after a long day of eating finger foods and being awesome.

Henry is a pretty avid walker now. He can also eat a whole piece of toast without us cutting it up for him. He does bites all on his own. Amazing. Henry has been courageously battling some diaper rash recently.

Also, what is with that Sven Sundgaard?

Go Twins.

Keep Truckin'

"What you've got ain't no good unless you can get away from it..."


I think that means everyone needs a good, fast car. Henry is no exception... He LOVES that car thing.

Mama and H-Bomb share a laugh - probably about how awesome he is as eating graham crackers all on his own...

C'mon Mayberry, Unhook the Plow...

It's always harvest time in Henry's world...



Henry loves cruising around in little cars ans trucks and whatnot. He also loves getting four wheeler rides out at our new compound. I think there may be some truth to the idea that boys are predisposed to liking boy stuff and girls are genetically wired to compulsively buy picture frames and doylies from Target on clearance. It's science, folks.

Here is Henry with Grandpa Fred at the historic covered bridge in Zumbrota.


Here is Henry enjoying his first visit to Dairy Queen. Watching this pint-sized manchild eat an ice cream cone is entertainment at it's finest.
I finally have a medical excuse for my sporadic blogging. I broke my left arm in two places last Saturday. My left arm. I am left-handed. I am trying to build a house here before the snow flies... Fiddle Sticks. Anyway, bad deal. My hand is seriously swollen and is starting to smell like an old person's foot. Obviously, it could have been much worse considering I fell down 8 - 10 feet from a roof and landed on concrete. And luckily, I landed such that my shoulder and arm absorbed most of the fall and I only slightly kabonked my head. The good news is I don't need surgery. The bad news is the cast goes almost up to my armpit and may take up to three months to heal cause I broke a little bone in my hand. The cast is is an elegant hue of lime green and the nurse told me it really "sets off" my eyes...

Henry on YouTube

Henry has further established his presence on the worldwide interlink. For the world's viewing pleasure and for the benefit of mankind, I have posted a couple of videos of Henry on YouTube. It should be noted that one of the videos is rated PG-13 for blatant infant nudity in a kiddie pool. The other video is pretty clean other than some harsh language from Mr. T, followed by a dejected Henry laying down in disgust.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHYgRho1rOc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6qx6cYruEc

He does this thing now if he is mad or frustrated he turns all floppy and lays down and cries. Kinda cute sometimes, not so much at other times.

He can takes like five steps or so now.

He loves juice. Loves it. Big time.

He got a whole mess of new jammies from his cousin Eli.

Child of Nature, Friend of Man...

Summer is pretty much gone. We didn't get to do much in the way of vacationing or travel or even weekend camping trips on the river this summer. Nothing. Our LaborDay trek to the Fawn-Doe-Rosa Wildlife Education Park in St. Croix Falls, Wisconsin qualifies as our most exotic summer outing. It was that or the Renaissance Festival and I didn't want to drive to frickin' Shakopee for the privilege of a turkey leg and the opportunity to point and giggle at people dressed in tights.

They have lots of deer, fowl and what not. I felt kinda bad for the grizzly bear and a few of the other wild animals that were seriously contained. But let's face it, if several dozen animal's lives must be ruined and wasted in confinement strictly for the entertainment of my child -- so be it. I think our favorite was the baby pigs. Did you know a baby llama is called a cria?

The picture below is of my wife feeding a deer trail mix off of gentle baby Henry's stroller. I was utterly shocked that she would do this for reasons sanitary and otherwise. I told her that it reminded me of something that I would do and she would starting hitting me and swearing at me for it. Anyone for some Chronic Wasting Disease or possibly a smidge of Hoof and Mouth Disease?

This is basically the Rod Stewart of poultry.

Henry continues to be excellent without walking or any real words. Although, ma said he was saying "hhhhiiiiiiiieeeeeee" to everyone at the grocery store the other day. He pretty much always hates having his diaper changed now. It makes him angry.

Henry has become very attached to his little "lovie" thing that he sleeps with. One of his favorite toys is the "Mr. T in Your Pocket". It's a little hand held device that repeats several of T's favorite phrases. Fun, fun stuff.

Also, Henry won a sloppy joe eating contest at daycare last week! One daycare lady commented, "We couldn't beleive it. He just kept eating and eating..."