Welcome to my ToddCast...

Todd is alive and well and living in a dilapidated former dog house. Todd likes carrot treats and fresh water. He is a special little guy.

Henry likes to pretend he is a lion. He is good at growling and freaking out.

Henry is OK at getting around in heels...

He could be better...

Speaking of sweet shoes, check out this little lady...

The other day I was letting Henry air dry for a spell since he had a wicked diaper rash. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with a warm and wet sensation in the foot area.

"Henry, did you really just pee on my foot?"

"Yes, daddy..."

I was wearing new slippers and they got totally soaked. Whadda ya do?

Henry split his lip open last week. He tripped and fell face first on the garage floor. I didn't actually see him fall but I heard a solid thud and could tell it was kinda bad. He looked up, already crying and and blood coming out of his mouth. I thought maybe he had chipped or knocked out some toofums. Luckily, it was just a split lip. He was OK after a few minutes. I think Ma and Pa were more traumatized. He is always running around all crazy. His shins are always completely black and blue and scratched up. That's what little boys do, right?

Henry has a new buddy, Alan Wu. He is a cute young chap from China and was recently adopted by a friend and coworker of my wife. I guess Henry was a bit jealous of his John Deere and Bob the Builder stuff.

Momma was away for Girls Weekend last weekend. So, I was home all by my lonesome with the babies while my wife drank Zima, ate deviled eggs and played "tickle fight" with her lady friends, or so they claim. Poor, poor me...

On Saturday Grammy Judy was kind enough to watch the kids for a while while a friend helped me pour our sidewalk, a driveway apron, and a small patio slab. It turned out pretty sweet -- we stamped it with a cobblestone pattern. As a side note, we had a guy help us that has one adult movie "acting" credit to his name.

Siding is supposed to be delivered this week!

My shower tile guy told me he is starting this week for real!

Henry's new favorite line before bed: "ONE MORE BOOK, DADDY!"

He loves Ten Little Monkeys and simply cannot get enough of it. He watched Dumbo this past week and really loved it.

I Guess I Need to Fill Everyone in on the Todd Situation...

It seemed like the logical next step -- the natural progression of things to be. I have since been instructed that these things are supposed to be discussed in family meetings and put to a vote... I say balderdash! Utter poppycock... So, now we have a goat. His name is Todd and he is pretty frickin' sweet. Henry and I returned with Todd in tow. Julie ran out onto the porch seeing the dog crate in our trailer and thought that I decided to bring our pooch in to get a bath (I guess that is no less of a Friday evening activity that goat buying, but whatever.). But then Todd let out his war cry and all hell broke loose. "What the hell is that?" Then I had to answer a bunch of rapid fire questions from a confused and upset wife who was about to be picked up by her lady friend Crystal for a ladies night out of mohitos and Coronas at Tiki Steve's in Lindstrom. I guess I really caught her off guard.

Who: TODD!

What: Our new Boer goat, he's a three month old billy! That means he has his testes intact!

Where: We got him off of Craigslist, of course... $30.00. I have to say that I exhibited some restraint considering that the goat people were trying their hardest to upsell (we'll give you a deal on a pair) and even wanted to sell me some chickens and African geese (apparently they are great "watchdogs", to which I guessed meant "will you take these loud sonsabitches away from here for $8 each?")

When: Friday afternoon I was browsing the Craigslist Farm & Garden section as I have been secretly doing for a while to power up my operation and I came across an ad for goats located pretty close to our house (maybe ten minutes away or so). I got home from work and told momma that me and Henry had to run an errand before she went out for the evening for ladies night... I guess she didn't see me leave with the trailer and our very large dog kennel, a sight in the future that will likely raise a "red flag".

Henry is into it. Whenever we go check on Todd he says "Henry get in there!" and I throw him in the goat pen and he hangs with Todd. Who the heck am I to deny a child the basic human right of the pursuit of joy and happiness through animal husbandry? Henry also says "two babies" referring to Violet and Todd. I guess Violet is just a "throw in" with the livestock in his eyes. I also make Henry do chores with me in the morning which basically entails taking a four wheeler ride with a bucket full of water, filling Todd's water dish and talking about Todd for a few minutes. We also can give him table scraps and what not.

So Henry and I went to a little hobby farm in Stacy to check out the goat. They had four goats, two boers and two pygmy crosses (little guys). They were pushing the pygmys but I thought it might be a good idea to get a youngster without (hopefully) less baggage. Boers are a meat breed. Right after I paid and put Henry in his car seat and was about to leave the goat seller said "Yeah if yer gonna eat 'em, you'll wanna get 'em started on some corn..." I told her we'd see how things pan out before we make that decision but I'm guessing we are not going to eat Todd.

Julie came back a bit tipsy from Tiki Steve's and fortunately had lightened up about the whole Todd situation. I guess she had regaled her friends with Todd jokes: We can't eat him... how does spaghetti and Toddballs sound?? How about some Todd burgers?? Todd Mignon with fava beans and an elegant sauce?? Pasta al dente with Todd?? The jokes were non-stop... She was a regular Don Rickles of goat humor.

I should think not. But Todd, watch your ass, because the possibility is out there.

So, that is the weekend adventure regarding Todd. I spent a 100 degree Saturday afternoon putting up 100 lineal feet of fencing for a goat instead of working on the house. Go figure.

Henry and Violet both slept through the night last night from about 8:30. It was very nice. We watched the movie The Squid and the Whale, a pretty enjoyable movie.

I don't know what Henry is doing in this picture but it looks sinister.

Violet gives us a half-smile as she works hard to fill her pants.

I think this picture was pre-Todd (PT). Henry likes making calls on his fake cellular. When asked, he usually says he is calling Jo-Jo, an old daycare buddy from months ago. He will walk around the house holding the phone up to his ear and will let go with a stream of consciousness toddler rant. He will basically look around and say whatever he sees "umm tree! um, um shoe! um, BOB!" That sort of thing.

In conclusion, both of our kids are pretty great, we got a goat, and I am hoping to start on the siding in a week or two or three. Also, I will try to call a meeting before making any more livestock purchases.

There is a new saying in our house: If you mess with Todd, you get the horns.

Gondolas, Gargonzola, & Chet the Gondolier...

Seepy, seepy... pink footie jam-jams... Violet continues to be a pretty special baby. She has been battling constipation lately since we switched formula brands on her. We've been giving her prune juice. Somehow, through it all, she is still a lady.

Henry loves to eat cereal with his shirt off. The other morning I tried giving him a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and he said "no-no daddy. Listen cereal." My newly developed toddlerspeak translation skills told me he did not want Honey Nut Cheerios. He wanted Rice Krispies. Whenever we give him a bowl of Rice Krispies we always say "Wow, listen to the snap, crackle, pop!" So he calls it "listen cereal". Pure genius...

Last nite was Julie's birthday and our four year wedding anniversary. I booked us a ride on the St. Croix River in an authentic Venetian gondola. (Note: In the photo above Julie clipped her bangs to look like Rory Gilmore circa final season.) Luckily, the weather cooperated and we had a fabulous time. I packed a small cooler with two PBRs for me (hey, it's my special day too...) and two Coronitas for her. Our gondolier, Chet, even serenaded us with an Italian love song. This is Chet! We had a nice dinner at Luna Rossa afterward (also fabulous - she had the beef medallions smothered in a gargonzola sauce, I had the filet mignon with a glass of the house cabernet). Grammy Judy was kind enough to accept babysitting duty for our special evening on a grown-ups only date.

Our soffits and fascia are done, giving me one less excuse not to have the siding done... The tile for our shower should allegedly get done next week! So my european hygiene regimen will continue for now... a bath every few days. I bet you needed to know that stuff...

Beauty & The Beast

This is baby Violet's first smile captured on film. She has slept through the night a few times now but it is still hit or miss - mainly miss.

I'm not sure if this is a smile or not - but it is pretty gosh dang cute. She was just in for her eight week check up and the doctor commented twice on how unusually long she is. She was in the upper 90th percentile for height and elegance. I think she was about eleven pounds. Otherwise she is normal and perfect in every way. She still has a little purple thing under her left nipple. I think the doctor said it was Chuck Mangione and that he will go away after a while. She got about four shots and then passed out for 18 hours. Henry got his two year check up at the same time and she said he is still totally radical and for some reason she said is circumcision is great!? Yep. So he's got that goin' for 'em - which is nice. Henry is like three feet tall now (closer to 3' 3" if he puts on his Bob sneakers and teases his hair up). Henry got one shot and cried for a bit but was able to shake it off.

Henry is such a little gentleman with baby Violet. In the morning he will say something like "Good morning, Baby Sister!". If she is upset and crying he will say "It's ok baby Violet, Henry's here, mommy's here, Daddy's here." He is hardly ever mean to her and has only thrown things at her a few times and usually these items are soft plush dolls or pillow and that sort of junk. He likes to give her kisses, too.

Henry can count to ten in English, German and Spanish. We are fast-tracking him since I won't be able to afford to send him to Ken's School of TV & VCR repair, let alone a serious institute of higher learning such as UW Stout.

Henry is back to sleeping through the night again. Not sure if it relates to his new bed with the side rails or if it just took time.


I think it is safe to say that Henry thinks he is the balls with his new Bob the Builder velcro shoes with optional blinking LED lights. He uses an overexaggerated run and will make endless laps around the house if he straps them on. Also, Julie and I were both surprised at how interested he was in watching me play softball. I do play catch with him in garage. But at the softball game it would seem like he would want to just run around or try and run out on the field or something. Nope. He sat on the bench and would sit on the bench and cheer for his dad. Pretty sweet. I think our team is now 1-18 with a week to go in the season. But we have heart and sometimes that's all you need. And beer. The playoffs are looking like a long shot.


Henry has successfully hidden about half a dozen DVDs somewhere in our house and will not reveal where he keeps them. Note the custom baby gate to the left of the stairs.

Still putzing around with the house. The soffit and fascia dude is allegedly coming in a week or so. I should be siding soon. The shower should get tiled next week. After that we are getting pretty darn close to being done. I also mowed a couple of walking trails for us to go on nature hikes and pick rasberrys and stuff. I am kicking around the idea of getting some livestock if for no other reason than to help take care of the grass. Icelandic sheep or Dexter cattle perhaps... Too much grass and I currently just have a push mower. No good.

Henry loves to brush his teeth. Henry thinks he knows karate. He will scream HIIIIYAAAAH! and do running kicks or kung fu jabs. I might start training him for cage fighting. He is that dangerous. One time I think he bruised my kidney.

House, Birthday, Trees, What Not...

We have had an dead standing elm tree just north of our driveway for a while. The other night, after we put the kids to bed, Julieand I decided to go out on our porch and have a drink and relax for a bit. We happened to notice that our elm tree looked like it was leaning more than it had before. Before we retired for the evening Julie mentioned the tree again and I decided I should move our Honda since it appeared to be in it's path should it fall. It should be noted that this was extremely out of character for me...

The following morning we found the tree laying across our driveway right where our car was parked.

At this angle you can see the tree also fell onto our little Colorado blue spruce tree. This was Julie's favorite tree and this sight literally brought tears to her eyes. Meanwhile, Henry assesses the situation in his chore boots and big boy undies...

Luckily, I have been eager to have a situation present itself where I could finally use my Jonserud 2145 Turbo chainsaw. There is nothing quite as enjoyable as chainsawing in my book.

Henry scampers across our newly stained porch.

This is our clawfoot tub and currently our only means of bathing until we get the downstairs bathroom shower tiled and what have you.

Here is the Hankster doing his little monkey impersonation. For now we just have our matress flopped on the floor in our loft area near the kids bedrooms.

This is Henry's old toddler bed. He just got a new one with rails for his 2nd birthday from his cousins.

Momma took Vi & Hank to see the real life Curious George. I guess he lives in North Branch.

Henry is getting better at using the potty. Still only does tinky winky. No poopsy doopsy.

Henry makes mud pies.

Henry celebrated his second birthday last Saturday with an intimate collection of family. Julie made him a froggie cake for a cherished childhool memory. Behold...

Henry blew them dawgs out all by his self!

Henry has an obsession with Bob the Builder that I find to be downright unhealthy... His favorite cousin Jada agrees.

Henry with Grandma Judy and Grandpa Fred.

Henry keeps a close eye on his loose meat sandwich as Great Grandma Evi gives Henry the business. Great Grandpa Walt looks on.

Granpa Fred and Violet take a break from birthday madness...

Family of four... (Note Vi's fabulous party dress and Henry's new Twins jersey courtesy of Auntie Em.)
Henry chills out in his new swing from Grandpa Fred.

Healthy White Toddler For Sale: $15 / Best Offer

It is currently impossible for science to quantify or accurately measure elegance. However, in the future, if science can find a way to accomplish such a feat, I am pretty sure it will somehow involve this photo.

Henry is beginning to show a real flair for the arts. Channeling his intrigue for Mr. Rogers into his Warhol phase has produced his latest masterpiece: "Rogers in Spectravision!". As a medium, he excels at screen printing.

I think this is Violet's first bath in the new house! (Note the Aberdeen by Moen in Oil Rubbed Bronze kitchen faucet.)

STUNNA!! Check out Lil' Vi in her party dress. We took her out for an afternoon cruise on the Upper St. Croix River on my brothers houseboat, The Mrs. Valdez. We forgot our camera and subsequently missed out on several very good photo opportunities. Here is an old photo of the Valdez in dry dock. It should be noted that significant remodelling has taken place since the photo was taken.

Here is a wax sculpture of Mr. Rogers that Henry recently completed called "Hey Rogers, You're Invading my Comfort Zone."

Henry is a complete firecracker. He is almost two and can be terrible. We moved into our new house and decided it was time to transition Henry into the toddler bed. I think the combination of new house and new bed was a bit overwhelming. He did not cotton to the toddler bed so much. First, we decided since he can open our lever style door knobs that it would be best for everyone if I switched around the knobs so we could lock him in his room when he is sleeping at night. Does that sound bad? We thought it was mostly a safety issue since we didn't want him crawling out of bed and stumbling down the stairs or some other such tragedy. The first night after we tucked him in he got out of bed and starts pounding on the door and saying things like "DADDDDDY! WHY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYY??!!" and "NO NAPS!!" and DADDY! WHERE ARE YOU?" We decided to execute plan B for temporary relief. Plan B was to put him in the pack'n'play (This whole transition started because Violet was sleeping in a bassinet and we wanted to let her start sleeping in the crib so we had o figure out something). We discovered the hard way that he can escape from the pack'n' play. All we heard was a huge THUD. Judging from the goose egg over his eye, I have to guess that it was his head slamming into the wood floor in his room. After that, we decided the twelve inch fall from the toddler bed was a better deal than Hank the Tank taking Jimmy 'Superfly' Snuka flying leaps from the top rope of his pack'n'play. We also decided lots of rugs and padding surrounding the bed were in order. I think he gets his sleeping habits from me. He is a violent sleeper and thrashes and moves around alot.

In light of recent events, Henry has actually been much more of handful than eight-week-old Tiny Elegance. Violet has slept through the night a couple times now. Sweet relief for the Johnson Family.

Henry also says "Dang it!". I'm not sure if he knows what he is saying but he seems to occansionally use it in context. Not cool.

He got some some "big boy undies" a while back. We thought Bob the Builder undies might get him geared up for potty training but he has figured out a way to circumvent to whole process and just puts on his big boy undies over his diaper -- offering the sophistication and dignity of the big boy underpant while preserving the function and utility of the diaper. The best of both worlds...

As I mentioned, we moved into our new house. It is bittersweet since we are still basically living out of suitcases because we aren't totally done yet and don't want to move in and arrange furniture and crap until we are seriously done. The inside is mostly done. Siding is the big "to do" yet. And a million other little things.

We have two toilets hooked up and our clawfoot tub is functional now. Radical. Let me tell you, I have no idea why these clawfoot delights ever fell out of favor. Ergonomically shaped for soaking and relaxation.

Grandma Judy graciously agreed to watch the kids this past Saturday evening so we could celebrate Karl Oscar Days with the citizenry of Lindstrom and the greater Chisago Lakes Area. For the uninitiated, Karl Oscar Days is a local custom celebrating the eradicatiion of Norwegians from the area in the 1880s with 2 for 1 Grain Belt Premiums and country western music at the Lindstrom Municipal Bar.