White Rock Chicks!

I bought 15 baby chicks a week ago. They are White Rocks -- a variety of Plymouth Rocks. They are good for eating or laying eggs. We are going to butcher the roosters in about 12 weeks and keep six or so hens for laying eggs. I found them on Craigslist. Before I bought them I had scribbled down a note that said "20 WHITE ROCK CHICKS -- $30 -- HINCKLEY" followed by a phone number. I left the note on the counter and my wife saw it and said "What the hell is this? Are you going to some stripper party at the casino?" I had to explain a little.

So now we have some chickens in the basement. They are super cute and the kids love 'em. I can tell you this -- chickens grow fast. The little buggers have already tripled in size.

Once in a great while the planets align and we have a moment like this...

About once a week we have a moment like this... Roller skates, Transformer mask, Hulk smash hands, and a baby chick -- Uncle Sam is a pretty good sport.

Henry is a nasty old pirate. I wish he would respect the no shoes in the house policy though.

Vince and Drama are enjoying the onset of spring.

Whenever Henry tries to get his way he has a go-to phrases -- "Daddy, TRUST my plan!" I'm not quite sure how he came up with it. But it usually goes something like this:

Henry: Daddy, can I have a big ol' glass of chocolate milk?

Dad: Um, we're gonna eat in like ten minutes. Can't you wait? Maybe you should ask mom.

Henry: Daddy, just TRUST my plan!

I have finally recovered enough from the emotional and physical trauma from building our house to where I have started a few small projects around the house. Henry is very interested in helping me. He is very curious about my tools and helping me carry stuff and doing anything he can to be a part of the action. I finally put some cabinets in the laundry room for mama and put some pine tongue and groove paneling on the ceiling from the stash I had left over from building the house. A little bit of trim work and the laundry room will be totally done. I bought treads and risers for the stairs going to the basement to replace the temporary ones. Henry helped me sand prep them for installation. Henry will stay on task for a half hour to an hour depending on the situation. I wouldn't quite say he's earning his keep yet but his natural curiosity and desire to help out is pretty cute...

Mama got a new camera and has been getting lots of cute pictures of the kids.

Violet has been sporting a Bill Murray/ Caddy Shack look lately. She is at a fun developmental phase where she is starting to use language to communicate. Sometimes she will just start shrieking and stomping and we'll have to tell her to take out her nuk and use words and she will take out her nuk and tell us what is going on. I would say three word sentences are about tops but she can almost always get her message across. One of her new catch phrases is "GO AWAY!" She uses it basically anytime something displeases her.

Violet is way more affectionate than Henry ever was. With Henry, he would very rarely wrap his arms around us for a hug or rest his head on our shoulder if we were holding him unless he was super sick or something. Violet is the opposite of that. If I'm laying on the couch she will crawl up and lay on me and if I'm heading out the door or dropping her off at daycare she will say "daddy, kiss... hug!" Now that Henry is three and a half and grown up he will always hug and kiss me when I come home or leave.

Probably the Most I Will Ever Mention Squeegeeing...

It is utterly mind-blowing how grown up Henry is. He started taking showers. He still usually takes baths but this is all happening too fast. He takes special pride in mastering the mandatory post-shower squeegeeing of the shower door. Monitoring the squeegee situation reminded me of the Sienfeld episode regarding good naked vs. bad naked. Squeegeeing a shower door falls into the latter category.

The other thing is that he totally mocks me. He will run off and put on some of my clothes or shoes or socks or whatever and then stomp around yelling "OH, I'M JERE! I'M DADDY!" I just love that he can already bust my chops and already finds me to be mockable and ridiculous. Below he is mocking me and flexing his muscles for the camera all at the same time. (Note: I bought the "Johnson" stocking cap at a thrift storeto be ironic since my last name is Johnson and all. I don't think I have gone a day wearing it without being approached by an excited St. Paul Johnson Alumni.)

For some reason it is high comedy for both of the kids to put on my grotty athletic socks.

Possibly the best Henry quote ever: "Dad, don't look at me for two minutes -- I'm going to do something dangerous."

Close second: "Dad, you freak me out." He told me this because I picked out an outfit for him that offended his sensibilities.

Violet loves getting dressed in her winter gear but doesn't always like getting out of her jam-jams and into her regular clothes for the morning. Violet is the least lactose intolerant person I know in the world. I think she could knock down a gallon of milk and a 5 lb. block of cheese if we let her. Her attitude is starting to show. She will sometimes try to hit when she doesn't get her way. We still love her despite the violence.

Daddy is a Loser

Henry loves to climb on the railings.

Henry waking up in the middle of the night and coming downstairs to sleep on the floor in our room had basically become an every night thing and was starting to take it's toll on mama and I. To top it off, usually he would wake up again at about three or four o'clock and weasel his way into our bed. We decided it was time to stop the insanity and regain control of our nights. The situation took about three or four nights to get under control but now he sleeps through the night in his own bed. One of nights during that transition he was having a crying fit and I told him that he had to stay up in his room and tough it out like a big boy. He was crying hysterically and started saying "Daddy is a leeeewwwwsssssserrrrrrrr... Da-daddy iss a lewwwwwssserrrr".

Violet and Henry can be very sweet and playful together but Henry knows how to push her buttons and it can turn into...

this pretty quick.

We were out of sippy cups so Henry had a little bedtime sip of milk from a shot glass.

I'm 70% sure Violet is a genius. She can count to five and can say the alphabet and she can yell at our dog and tell him to get in the mudroom when he get unruly or too gassy.

One morning Henry came into our bedroom and I was still in bed. He had a DVD case in his hand and asked me "Dad, is this movie appropriate for kids?" The movie in question was Redneck Zombies.

Henry scolded me for talking to him while he was coming down the stairs. He said "Dad, don't talk to me. I am trying to focus on the stairs right now."

Just a Little off the Top?

Somehow, we got the idea that Henry needed a haircut. It was getting a little shaggy. Normally, we just take him to Poik's and that's it. But we decided that in these economic times that maybe a good way to save $12 every three months would be to do the haircuts ourselves. I volunteered my barber services for this experimental procedure. Momma quickly realized it was an event that needed to be documented for a number of reasons and grabbed the camera.

Back in the late 1980s, I used to shave lightning bolts and such into the heads of friends in the name fashion and team spirit, so I figured I was up to the task. Besides, I had seen this done many, many times. I know that people who cut hair for a living kinda hold the hair in between their fingers and cut uniform lengths off. See below? I thought I had it. Apparently, there's more to it than that. I now know that I lack the patience and vision of a barber or hairstylist. Henry isn't even four yet and he realized that this whole operation was SNAFU from the beginning...

It wasn't long before I resorted to the clippers.

By this time my I was basically in sheep shearing mode -- just hold him down and get it done. At this moment Henry wasn't thinking about his new glow in the dark Spiderman undies...

For less than the price of a twelve pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon YOU can prevent this abomination of decency. Donate NOW to the Henry James Hair Fund.

We told him he looked really awesome but he was self conscious about it -- enough so that he refused to take of his stocking cap for dance class. He seems to have adjusted to now. And he takes pride in that he now looks like a ringer for his cousin Eli.

Henry is like a little marauding bear in the kitchen pantry. He has an uncanny ability to nose out unhealthy snacks. I swear we do dress the kids every day.

We got this beautiful little rocking horse from Great Grandma Evi. Both of the kids have already taken a liking to it. Violet rides it like a cute toddler would. Henry rides it like a rented mule.

Violet had her 18 month checkup a few weeks ago. She tipped the scales at 25.02 pounds (52%) and is 35 inches tall (99%). I don't recall her exact head circumference measurement but it was 74%. She now wears a men's size 9 sneaker. Just kidding about the last part but she is growing so fast. Overall, it appears that she is destined to be a tall and skinny knockout with a slightly larger than average head circumference... just like her momma. Violet and momma enjoy painting their toenails and doing facial masks.

Violet's vocabulary is growing so fast. She says "baba boo" for Grandpa Bruce. She is also learning to climb onto the dining room chairs and stools in the kitchen.

I finally found Violet a nice outfit from a thrift store ($10 at Unique Thrift on Rice and Larpentuer). It's insulated and really ornate. A little bit more than I would normally spend on a kids outfit but I thought it was ok. This one is called "Crouching Tiger".

Since she started wearing her new outfit she has learned to avoid Henry's quick sword strikes with simple, efficient movements and mind power.

Dad was gone last week on the annual spearing / ice fishing trip (34 below!). Henry took over as man of the house and slept on the threshold of our bedroom to protect momma from intruders.

Fists of Fury & The Gift of Beard

The weekend before Christmas we has three family Christmas get-togethers. The weather was super crappy and traffic was even worse. But it was nice to get all the travelling out of the way so we could stay local and relax a bit more over the next week. Henry and Violet were, of course, super spoiled and got like a bazillion presents from everyone.

Henry checks out a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles kit he was given from Uncle Sam. It included a mask, sword and throwing stars. Note: My thick and luxurious beard.

I spent the past month cultivating a beard which was converted to a moustache immediately after Christmas. It was an amazing odyssey but I have since shaved. I am open to comments and what have you regarding the different facial hair scenarios.

Question: What is the only thing better than getting a pair of Hulk Smash Hands for Christmas?

Answer: Getting two pair.

In the true spirit of Christmas, we all took turns beating the crap out of each other with our new Hulk Smash Hands.

Below, my wicked left jab renders Henry temporarily dazed as his neck snaps back from the sheer force of the blow.

We posed for a family photo at Jesse and Brandi's.

Note to parents: I have learned that you can't trust a three-year-old alone with a fresh roll of tape or a new tube of toothpaste. Henry looks like a mutant cross between Ted Kennedy and the older brother from E.T. with his crazy tape face.

This is my son.

Violet loves Dora.

Over the past month we had convinced Henry that we maintain direct contact with Santa. Whenever Henry started acting turdy, I would pick up the phone and say, "I'm sorry Henry, but I am gonna have to call Santa and tell him about your extreme behavior". I even called a couple of times using a Redd Foxx-type voice and pretended to be Santa. We had Henry walking a pretty straight for most of December using deception and skullduggery.

But we did let them have Reese's Pieces for breakfast Christmas morning that were left in their stockings from Santa. Violet is still pretty jazzed about her new Dora slippers. Footie Jammies!

Violet and I practice our high kicks as we enjoy a snack of croutons.

Violet also got a keyboard from Santa. She can already play Home Sweet Home by Motley Crue.

Violet was given a little cottage playhouse with an oven and a bunch of kitchen stuff. She is also now the proud parent to THREE Cabbage Patch Kids. She tucks two of them in at night in a box and sleeps with one of them. Here is Violet flashing some gang signs.

Violet and Papa...
Me and Henry also managed to get out with Uncle Jesse and do a little darkhouse spearing... We even got one after a couple hours on Sunday afternoon. I learned Henry has an insatiable appetite for chocolate milk. He was relatively well behaved but almost fell in the spear hole once.

He passed out about 30 seconds after I got him in the truck...

Pretty Darn Festive

This would be our second annual family photo at Sandgren's Tree Farm. Same as last year, we met my brother and his family (minus Zoie) to find a tree. Last year we went with a HUGE fir tree. This year we went with a modest white pine and it went really smooth. No fuss, no muss. No swearing, no chainsaws in the house. Easy peasy, Patrick Sweezy.

Henry and Eli try to haul a tree.

Me & Jesse haul our trees and Brandi hauls Jada and Violet.

After last years monstrosity of a tree, this little guy was a welcome change. Big trees are a total pain -- hard to get through the door, hard to set up, no good.

Violet seems to be going through a phase where she hates to wear clothes. I've been kind of impressed that she has the dexterity to get totally undressed. Her new nickname is "Nudity Jones". Hopefully, it doesn't stick.

Festive and more lady-like...

Here is the tree all decorated. Is Violet not huge? Does she not look almost the size of Henry in this photo?

Violet is saying new words everyday. She has a few two word sentences. We look at picture books with her and she can identify a bunch of stuff when prompted. Tonight, we were having dinner and she looked around and yelled "DADDY, MOMMY, HENNY!" She will sing in the rhythm of the ABC's but make up different sounds. Every once in while she will hit a vowel on time.

Henry continues to dazzle us with his artistic abilities and his mastery of all forms of dance. This morning, he wanted to take the yellow dishwashing gloves, the bottle washer thingie, and a pan scrubber to daycare as toys. I said no. Henry is also very interested in helping out in the kitchen. He is excited to learn how to make stuff. He helped mama make cookies last week and learned how to make a pot of coffee (sort of).

A few nights back he busted his lip open pretty good from jumping on the bed. He smashed into Violet's head and he bled all over.

No goat casualties. They seem to be enjoying their new house and doing very well overall. Dolly and Kenny continue to gain acceptance from Drama and Vince. It's tricky sometimes but at the end of the day it seems like they are all on the same team. I think next spring the obvious next step is to buy an intact male goat and let Dolly start a family.

Turkey Day & Chicken Feet

This was our second year hosting Thanksgiving. The turkey situation went much smoother this year but I would say there is still room for improvement. I proudly donned late Grandma Pauline's apron while carving up the turkey.

For over two years we have been enjoying movies and our favorite programs on a modest twelve inch TV set. Since we were hosting for Thanksgiving, I came up with the brilliant idea to make a TV upgrade. I'm only half joking when I say that upgrading to a 40" Sony LCD HDTV 1080p was the most meaningful experience in my life since the birth of my children. It's pretty sweet. Although sometimes the Hi-Def aspect is a bit over the top and John Madden in HD is downright hideous. Below is a picture of our actual TV -- Brad Pitt on Access Hollywood.

Chicken Feet! Sometimes I think that Henry is a natural comedic genius. He came up with this all on his own. He steals momma's yellow dishwashing gloves from under the sink, puts them on his feet and runs around and yells "CHICKEN FEET! I GOT CHICKEN FEET!"

We enjoyed a very fun and relaxing four day Thanksgiving weekend. It was just the right mix of family time and lazing about and chopping and stacking firewood. We really didn't even have to leave the house except for a brief trip to Target for some early Christmas shoppin'. We got Henry the Bat Cave. So don't get Henry a Bat Cave. Momma wanted to take the relaxation factor up a notch and give Henry and Dad facial masks. I'd like to say that it wasn't quite as gay as it sounds. I would like to, but I cannot.

Violet insisted on updating her fall wardrobe with a few key pieces.

Violet is surprisingly able at kicking stuff. This picture is not magic, nor smoke and mirrors. It is my daughter kicking a ball with skill and dexterity.

Here is a pretty cute one of Momma & Violet...