This Is My BB Gun. There Are Many Like It, But This One Is Mine..

Life on the farm, an update...

I keep our dog food in a metal trash can out in the garage and usually the last thing I will do before I leave for work in the morning is feed the dog. This morning I opened up the dog food can and I was lunged at by a tenacious field mouse! So, this morning the last thing I did before leaving for work was shoot a field mouse with a bb gun. I guess I am officially a hillbilly now.

Hey, Violet. The phone is for you. Yeah, it's Olivia Newton John. She wants her outfit back. She can basically walk now. She can walk across a room but still is most comfortable crawling. Her big words lately are daddy, Dora, and I-eeee (Ike).

Mama bought this buffet at a yard sale on Friday...

Henry and Violet play with baby dolls.

Henry and Violet partake in the new dinette set-- a thrift store find. No more highchair for Violet.
Henry "helps" dad mow the lawn...

Henry keeps coming up with good material. Let's see what I can recall from the past couple weeks...

-"Dad can you help me climb this tree, cuz' this is just SO not my day."

I was explaining to Henry that you have to be an old and mature teenager before you can get a drivers license and he comes back with - "Well, dad, my feet are getting bigger, I don't use a sippie cup, I poop on the pottie -- can I drive?"

Henry came out to help me finish up a few odds and ends with the goat fencing project of 2008 and he was carrying his little green John Deere tool box that he keeps his tools and stuff in. So I'm working and he sets down his tool box like it's time to get down to business and says "alright dad, I got my drill, my microphone, and my pink sunglasses". He proceeds to put on his sunglasses and belts out a pretty solid rendition of "London Bridge". His pitch was a little off, but he took that tune and made it his own...

Henry went to Pea Pickin' Flea Market in St. Croix Falls on Sunday and is a big fan. He got a Spiderman action figure for a dollar and lady gave us a free bowl of ice cream.

I made a little shelf / armrest thing on the corner of the goat pen and Henry was sitting up there and wanted to climb down the fence. Mama said something like "be careful, are you sure you can do that?" And he shows us how he climbs down the fence and says "See? Someone should have showed Humpy Dumpy how to do that." He's right.

We might go see about some goat prospects later this week to expand the herd. We'll keep you posted.

The Unknown Stuntman

Henry still insists on doing all his own stunts. His "boy knees" are in classic form. He runs and falls and dives everywhere -- all the time. He loves band-aids.

Does anyone need an electric dryer that works just fine? I could even deliver it in exchange for a case of classic formula Schlitz. It does have a bit of rust on the top that could easily be sanded and repainted. Let me know folks -- this amazing, one time offer is sure to be for a limited time only.

Henry Turns Three, Aqcuires Every Transformer Ever Made...

Henry had a really sweet robot party with a number of family and friends. I can't believe the little guy is three years old. In the picture below he is making his embarrassed face because there are thirty people singing happy birthday to him. I have a bunch more great pictures from the party and will include them at a later date. I just had to get a new post up due to mounting pressure from my readership.

Here is a close up of the amazing, made from scratch robot cake that momma rustled up. Very innovative.

Henry got a bunch of awesome presents including about two million Transformers. Henry will tell anyone who listens that there is more than meets the eye to these toys. Below is an example of gift opening madness.

This is what ice cream cone night looks like at the Johnson house: Total Anarchy!

This is my sweet new hauling rig. I wish I would have had this about two years ago.

I mowed the lawn for the second time this summer and thought some photos were in order...

This is the view looking easterly from the end of our driveway...

Looking down our road from the base of our driveway...

Still chipping away (very slowly) at the landscaping...

Henry proudly points out our bountiful vegetable garden -- three tomato plants and two pepper plants. Hopefully, we will expand our produce operation next summer. I didn't want to bite off more than I could chew for now so we stayed small.

This is the kids little playground area I made for them. Henry and mamma worked very hard on this fine example of of a post modern sand castle.

Henry enjoys himself as the goats free range...

Johnny Drama looking suspicious...

Johnny Drama's days of escaping are soon to be numbered. I am nearing completion of my substantial fencing operation and am quite certain that it will contain my two guys. I even have a real functioning gate.

Coming Soon...

-Henry in his pirate costume

-Henry in his hand made robot costume

-Henry begins dance classes soon

PLUS: Lots of other stuff!!

Henry's Birthday Wish List

Henry wants Transformers, Hungry Hippos board game, puzzles, toys for his new sandbox (shovels, pails, whatnot), books and DVDs, McDonalds gift certificates, and four chickens (no roosters).

Fourth of July, Summer Fun, etc.

We stayed at my brothers in-laws cabin on an island on Spider Lake near Birchwood, Wisconsin for the holiday weekend. Mama spent about two weeks planning and preparing for our epic weekend vacation. Overall, it went pretty well -- no major catastrophes. I downloaded "Holiday Road" by Lindsey Buckingham to my ipod for the trip to provide the feel of a real vacation. We got the guest cabin to ourselves. I've always felt the Danish hip roof offered elegant roof lines. Very nice.

I was amazed at how interested in fishing Henry was. It helps that his older and pretty cool cousin Eli is like a young Babe Winkelman. Below is Henry with his first fish! Look close, it's a little sunfish. He was perfectly content just to be at the end of the dock and have a minnow on his hook. He'd say "Look Dad! I got one!" and I'd say "Nope, that's just a minnow. We'll use him to catch a bigger one." I gave him an old Zebco 404 that I think I got at a yard sale. First thing in the morning he would say "Dad, let's go shishin'!" His next favorite thing was the fireworks.
I made Violet change into a one-piece suit. The thong suit looked ridiculous over a swimmer diaper.

Henry wasn't really into playing in the water until I threw him in the yellow tube. He morphed into a little motor boatin' SOB.
Violet pretending to be a monster...

Here's me nursing a High Life with Vi and Jada.
Pickin' a boog with mama...
Eatin' a boog with Dad. We may have to have some type of intervention. The finger is always at work. Not an exaggeration.
Lazing about with the kids and cousins.

Here are some shots of Henry and Violet chilling out in their new pool from Grandpa Fred! She is big time in her folding chair.

I am 90% to 95% sure he is peeing in the picture below.

Henry got his stitches taken out earlier in the week. He likes Pokeman and still haven't figured out exactly what Pokeman is. As near as I can tell, it is some type of Japanese Dungeons and Dragons stuff. Lots of ins, lots of outs -- very complicated. He has like two books and a trading card that he got from Burger King and somehow with that we "do Pokeman". He likes his Kung Fu Panda guys too. His tastes are very broad. I am pretty sure he will be a renaissance man.

I am working on a major goat fencing project that I envision to putting an end to their Houdini antics. Everything seems to be falling into place.

That Boy Has Kool Aid Running Through His Veins...

Many, many major events have transpired since I last blogged.

• Violet has taken her first steps. She still crawls all the time. However, if we beg she will do a step or two. She loves standing up and will do that on command like a little circus dog. She also loves pointing at stuff and saying "ta". Her favorite things to point at are ceiling fans and shiny objects.

• I bought a sweet 1991 F 150 to use as an extra vehicle when my Subaru is on the fritz and for weekend projects, boat hauling, goat transport, etc. I always felt like kind of a rube pulling up to the feed store and throwing goat chow and straw bales into the trunk of our Honda Accord. We've already used the truck for hauling sand for the sandbox / playground thing for the kid's and it is just super handy to have and has improved my outlook on life. Although I didn't get the impression it was on mama's top ten list of cool things to buy when we have a little extra money, she did say I should get it. Note to self: I think a CB radio and a police scanner would be practical additions for my new rig.

• Last night, I was relayed a message at my softball game that Henry had "cracked his head" and was on his way to the hospital. Kind of a vague message, so I dove into my sweet new rig and peeled out. On my way out of the parking lot I was able to get through to mama on her cell phone and it didn't sound too serious but I figured I better get down there and hang out with them at the hospital. Henry was goofing around on a wheeled cart (kind of using it as a skateboard) and he lost balance and fell hard on his chin on the hardwood. He split his chin wide open and he was bleeding like stuck pig. I wasn't sure what to expect when I got there but he was in pretty good spirits and was just getting prepped for his stitches. They applied some numbing jelly to chin and bandaged it up and we watched Pokeman for a half hour while it took hold. Then a doctor and two nurses came in to start with the stitches. I tell you what -- my son has ice water running through his veins, or at least ice cold kool aid. The staff went about there business and stitched Henry up and the he didn't even blink an eye or move or anything. Henry basically had the exact same look in his eye as John Rambo in First Blood when he cauterized his own wound in an abandoned mine shaft using primitive methods.

Towards the end, I could see one little tear streaming down his cheek as he stared at the ceiling. They gave Henry about a million Transformer stickers for being such an excellent young gentleman.

Afterward, a nurse remarked to me and mama that she was amazed and had never had someone his age or younger be so well- behaved and composed for something like that and that it said as much about us as parents as it did about our nerves-of-steel child. So I guess we are all just pretty awesome in a general sort of way. Note the blood on his shirt. Most of it was absorbed by towels, but there was some on the floor and what not.

I can now envision Henry down the road as a wily four-star general wearing an eye patch and telling people about the time he had to remove his own appendix during a battle. Then he'd stare off in the distance with his good eye and say something like, "we lost a lot of good men that day..."
Violet sitting at the picnic table Grandma Sue and Grandpa Bruce picked up at the thrift store and practicing her Spring Break chug-a-lug...

Me and mama at a wedding reception a few weeks back.

RED ALERT! I WILL DESTROY YOU!

We attended two graduation galas last weekend. All things considered, the kids did pretty good. Although, I believe Henry and Violet screamed and cried from Waconia to about Forest Lake on the way home. We kept thinking they were going to pass out any second, but they just kept going and going...

Here's my babies. I am not exaggerating when I say Violet normally has her finger in her nose. I think she gets that from momma. Sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I catch her picking her nose but she says she is just scratching it.
Two obvious observations -- she can put her fist in her mouth and this gal LOVES her some spaghetti.

Henry loves lawn ornaments. Lawn ornaments that spew water? Double bonus.

Violet is really turning into a Daddy's girl. Sometimes when I come home from work she gets overcome with emotion and bursts into tears. I have a bunch of trails mowed around the ranch now and I take her on my shoulders for walks. We've been seeing lots of deer lately. A while back I saw the largest snapping turtle I have ever seen in my life -- I would say about fifty pounds or so. The neighbor stopped over a few days ago and showed us pictures of a black bear cub eating out of their bird feeders. Nature!
Grandpa Fred and Henry enjoy a friendly game of ejector seat...

Henry loves to talk like a robot now and has become increasingly impressive at talking trash. I may have to have a talk with him about it before things get really out of hand. You have to imagine him saying this in robot cadence: "RED ALERT! I WILL DE-STROY YOU! AND PUT DIRT AND SAND IN YOUR EYEBALLS AND FLUSH YOU DOWN THE TOILET!"

Captain Fantastic

It has been a long week at El Rancho Johnson. Violet came down with a wicked fever last Sunday and peaked at 104.2 degrees. She barely slept all night and just kind of moaned and cried. The fact that she has two teeth cutting through on top didn't help either. I stayed home with her on Monday and took her to the hospital to make sure she didn't have the plague or anything serious. Momma stayed home on Tuesday. She hasn't really eaten much all week. She doesn't have a fever anymore, but is still basically a goobering hot mess.

Here she is during happier times enjoying a stroll down the driveway with momma. We bought Henry some really sweet new shades so Violet could take possession of the Captain Fantastic glasses. He will wear his new ones but he still prefers the Captain Fantastic look.




Last year we planted some tulip bulbs near our driveway entrance. We also have some lilacs and some other junk flowering at our place. I think summer is here. Only sixteen more days until days start to get shorter. Yah, Minnesota!

Here's a classy picture of my special lady two knuckles deep.
Henry clogged up the toilet for the first time last week. The impressive thing is that is was pure logs -- no toilet paper. How does a thirty pound toddler lay a turd the size of a state fair cucumber? I was puzzled. There are no easy answers... It reminded me of the scene in Anchorman when Baxter ate a whole wheel of cheese and Ron Burgandy just said "heck, I'm not even mad -- that's amazing."
Here is Henry chewing on a knife with a pirate-style doo rag and his favorite sweat pants.

Last Saturday night we had both kids stay overnight at Grandma Judy's so we could go to a wedding party. It was the first time since we had the kids that we had overnight babysitting. It was really nice to have a night out with actual grown ups and also not to have to wake up to Henry screaming "I wants me some cartoonies and milkie, STAT!!" Momma had a particularly joyous time cutting loose and what not.

Henry has recently figured out puzzles and really loves 'em. He will do the same one over and over again. I guess that is more fun than a jar of rocks.

Violet is still not quite walking.