Henry Turns Three, Aqcuires Every Transformer Ever Made...

Henry had a really sweet robot party with a number of family and friends. I can't believe the little guy is three years old. In the picture below he is making his embarrassed face because there are thirty people singing happy birthday to him. I have a bunch more great pictures from the party and will include them at a later date. I just had to get a new post up due to mounting pressure from my readership.

Here is a close up of the amazing, made from scratch robot cake that momma rustled up. Very innovative.

Henry got a bunch of awesome presents including about two million Transformers. Henry will tell anyone who listens that there is more than meets the eye to these toys. Below is an example of gift opening madness.

This is what ice cream cone night looks like at the Johnson house: Total Anarchy!

This is my sweet new hauling rig. I wish I would have had this about two years ago.

I mowed the lawn for the second time this summer and thought some photos were in order...

This is the view looking easterly from the end of our driveway...

Looking down our road from the base of our driveway...

Still chipping away (very slowly) at the landscaping...

Henry proudly points out our bountiful vegetable garden -- three tomato plants and two pepper plants. Hopefully, we will expand our produce operation next summer. I didn't want to bite off more than I could chew for now so we stayed small.

This is the kids little playground area I made for them. Henry and mamma worked very hard on this fine example of of a post modern sand castle.

Henry enjoys himself as the goats free range...

Johnny Drama looking suspicious...

Johnny Drama's days of escaping are soon to be numbered. I am nearing completion of my substantial fencing operation and am quite certain that it will contain my two guys. I even have a real functioning gate.

Coming Soon...

-Henry in his pirate costume

-Henry in his hand made robot costume

-Henry begins dance classes soon

PLUS: Lots of other stuff!!

Henry's Birthday Wish List

Henry wants Transformers, Hungry Hippos board game, puzzles, toys for his new sandbox (shovels, pails, whatnot), books and DVDs, McDonalds gift certificates, and four chickens (no roosters).

Fourth of July, Summer Fun, etc.

We stayed at my brothers in-laws cabin on an island on Spider Lake near Birchwood, Wisconsin for the holiday weekend. Mama spent about two weeks planning and preparing for our epic weekend vacation. Overall, it went pretty well -- no major catastrophes. I downloaded "Holiday Road" by Lindsey Buckingham to my ipod for the trip to provide the feel of a real vacation. We got the guest cabin to ourselves. I've always felt the Danish hip roof offered elegant roof lines. Very nice.

I was amazed at how interested in fishing Henry was. It helps that his older and pretty cool cousin Eli is like a young Babe Winkelman. Below is Henry with his first fish! Look close, it's a little sunfish. He was perfectly content just to be at the end of the dock and have a minnow on his hook. He'd say "Look Dad! I got one!" and I'd say "Nope, that's just a minnow. We'll use him to catch a bigger one." I gave him an old Zebco 404 that I think I got at a yard sale. First thing in the morning he would say "Dad, let's go shishin'!" His next favorite thing was the fireworks.
I made Violet change into a one-piece suit. The thong suit looked ridiculous over a swimmer diaper.

Henry wasn't really into playing in the water until I threw him in the yellow tube. He morphed into a little motor boatin' SOB.
Violet pretending to be a monster...

Here's me nursing a High Life with Vi and Jada.
Pickin' a boog with mama...
Eatin' a boog with Dad. We may have to have some type of intervention. The finger is always at work. Not an exaggeration.
Lazing about with the kids and cousins.

Here are some shots of Henry and Violet chilling out in their new pool from Grandpa Fred! She is big time in her folding chair.

I am 90% to 95% sure he is peeing in the picture below.

Henry got his stitches taken out earlier in the week. He likes Pokeman and still haven't figured out exactly what Pokeman is. As near as I can tell, it is some type of Japanese Dungeons and Dragons stuff. Lots of ins, lots of outs -- very complicated. He has like two books and a trading card that he got from Burger King and somehow with that we "do Pokeman". He likes his Kung Fu Panda guys too. His tastes are very broad. I am pretty sure he will be a renaissance man.

I am working on a major goat fencing project that I envision to putting an end to their Houdini antics. Everything seems to be falling into place.

That Boy Has Kool Aid Running Through His Veins...

Many, many major events have transpired since I last blogged.

• Violet has taken her first steps. She still crawls all the time. However, if we beg she will do a step or two. She loves standing up and will do that on command like a little circus dog. She also loves pointing at stuff and saying "ta". Her favorite things to point at are ceiling fans and shiny objects.

• I bought a sweet 1991 F 150 to use as an extra vehicle when my Subaru is on the fritz and for weekend projects, boat hauling, goat transport, etc. I always felt like kind of a rube pulling up to the feed store and throwing goat chow and straw bales into the trunk of our Honda Accord. We've already used the truck for hauling sand for the sandbox / playground thing for the kid's and it is just super handy to have and has improved my outlook on life. Although I didn't get the impression it was on mama's top ten list of cool things to buy when we have a little extra money, she did say I should get it. Note to self: I think a CB radio and a police scanner would be practical additions for my new rig.

• Last night, I was relayed a message at my softball game that Henry had "cracked his head" and was on his way to the hospital. Kind of a vague message, so I dove into my sweet new rig and peeled out. On my way out of the parking lot I was able to get through to mama on her cell phone and it didn't sound too serious but I figured I better get down there and hang out with them at the hospital. Henry was goofing around on a wheeled cart (kind of using it as a skateboard) and he lost balance and fell hard on his chin on the hardwood. He split his chin wide open and he was bleeding like stuck pig. I wasn't sure what to expect when I got there but he was in pretty good spirits and was just getting prepped for his stitches. They applied some numbing jelly to chin and bandaged it up and we watched Pokeman for a half hour while it took hold. Then a doctor and two nurses came in to start with the stitches. I tell you what -- my son has ice water running through his veins, or at least ice cold kool aid. The staff went about there business and stitched Henry up and the he didn't even blink an eye or move or anything. Henry basically had the exact same look in his eye as John Rambo in First Blood when he cauterized his own wound in an abandoned mine shaft using primitive methods.

Towards the end, I could see one little tear streaming down his cheek as he stared at the ceiling. They gave Henry about a million Transformer stickers for being such an excellent young gentleman.

Afterward, a nurse remarked to me and mama that she was amazed and had never had someone his age or younger be so well- behaved and composed for something like that and that it said as much about us as parents as it did about our nerves-of-steel child. So I guess we are all just pretty awesome in a general sort of way. Note the blood on his shirt. Most of it was absorbed by towels, but there was some on the floor and what not.

I can now envision Henry down the road as a wily four-star general wearing an eye patch and telling people about the time he had to remove his own appendix during a battle. Then he'd stare off in the distance with his good eye and say something like, "we lost a lot of good men that day..."
Violet sitting at the picnic table Grandma Sue and Grandpa Bruce picked up at the thrift store and practicing her Spring Break chug-a-lug...

Me and mama at a wedding reception a few weeks back.

RED ALERT! I WILL DESTROY YOU!

We attended two graduation galas last weekend. All things considered, the kids did pretty good. Although, I believe Henry and Violet screamed and cried from Waconia to about Forest Lake on the way home. We kept thinking they were going to pass out any second, but they just kept going and going...

Here's my babies. I am not exaggerating when I say Violet normally has her finger in her nose. I think she gets that from momma. Sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I catch her picking her nose but she says she is just scratching it.
Two obvious observations -- she can put her fist in her mouth and this gal LOVES her some spaghetti.

Henry loves lawn ornaments. Lawn ornaments that spew water? Double bonus.

Violet is really turning into a Daddy's girl. Sometimes when I come home from work she gets overcome with emotion and bursts into tears. I have a bunch of trails mowed around the ranch now and I take her on my shoulders for walks. We've been seeing lots of deer lately. A while back I saw the largest snapping turtle I have ever seen in my life -- I would say about fifty pounds or so. The neighbor stopped over a few days ago and showed us pictures of a black bear cub eating out of their bird feeders. Nature!
Grandpa Fred and Henry enjoy a friendly game of ejector seat...

Henry loves to talk like a robot now and has become increasingly impressive at talking trash. I may have to have a talk with him about it before things get really out of hand. You have to imagine him saying this in robot cadence: "RED ALERT! I WILL DE-STROY YOU! AND PUT DIRT AND SAND IN YOUR EYEBALLS AND FLUSH YOU DOWN THE TOILET!"

Captain Fantastic

It has been a long week at El Rancho Johnson. Violet came down with a wicked fever last Sunday and peaked at 104.2 degrees. She barely slept all night and just kind of moaned and cried. The fact that she has two teeth cutting through on top didn't help either. I stayed home with her on Monday and took her to the hospital to make sure she didn't have the plague or anything serious. Momma stayed home on Tuesday. She hasn't really eaten much all week. She doesn't have a fever anymore, but is still basically a goobering hot mess.

Here she is during happier times enjoying a stroll down the driveway with momma. We bought Henry some really sweet new shades so Violet could take possession of the Captain Fantastic glasses. He will wear his new ones but he still prefers the Captain Fantastic look.




Last year we planted some tulip bulbs near our driveway entrance. We also have some lilacs and some other junk flowering at our place. I think summer is here. Only sixteen more days until days start to get shorter. Yah, Minnesota!

Here's a classy picture of my special lady two knuckles deep.
Henry clogged up the toilet for the first time last week. The impressive thing is that is was pure logs -- no toilet paper. How does a thirty pound toddler lay a turd the size of a state fair cucumber? I was puzzled. There are no easy answers... It reminded me of the scene in Anchorman when Baxter ate a whole wheel of cheese and Ron Burgandy just said "heck, I'm not even mad -- that's amazing."
Here is Henry chewing on a knife with a pirate-style doo rag and his favorite sweat pants.

Last Saturday night we had both kids stay overnight at Grandma Judy's so we could go to a wedding party. It was the first time since we had the kids that we had overnight babysitting. It was really nice to have a night out with actual grown ups and also not to have to wake up to Henry screaming "I wants me some cartoonies and milkie, STAT!!" Momma had a particularly joyous time cutting loose and what not.

Henry has recently figured out puzzles and really loves 'em. He will do the same one over and over again. I guess that is more fun than a jar of rocks.

Violet is still not quite walking.

Violet Turns One; Nation Celebrates

We celebrated Violet's first birthday with a major bash. There were serious preparations involved. I decided that I had to be done with the siding before Violet's big party so on Saturday I hung about three square or so of cedar shingle panels. It feels good to be totally done with that. Just another day or so of caulking and staining and the exterior will be 100% done. Rome was not built in a day, so... I will get pictures soon. I don't want to toot my own horn but it looks pretty sweet. We also got some hanging baskets for the front of the house and they are the bomb as well. After I got done with the siding we cleaned the whole house and I pre-made a whole mess of sub sandwiches since I was a former Subway sandwich artist in the early 1990s. Mama custom made a whole bunch of cupcakes and a butterfly cake. At about 11 pm we called it a day. I slammed two bloody marys with Texas-sized kosher dills and collapsed into bed.


We can't believe our little girl is already a year old. She is really developing into a ham. We have to get video footage of her laugh. She has the craziest laugh/cackle of any baby in the entire universe. It is beyond description. We have made a few half-hearted efforts to get her to laugh on camera -- but no dice so far. I will work on it.

She has just started standing on her own without holding onto furniture. I imagine walking is just a few weeks away. She is off the formula and on the whole milk. Might have to get a dairy goat soon since this three gallon per week business is getting out of hand. With consideration to the current state of the economy, we have switched from Edy's Grand to Kemps Ice Cream. Because if we stop eating ice cream the terrorists win.


The party went really well and lots of family and friends were able to come. Violet got a whole bunch of presents -- toys, clothes, an even a very large inflatable pool (pictures to come)...

Momma helped Violet open presents...

For my daughters first birthday I decided the most loving and personal gift I could give was the gift of moustache. I spent about twelve days cultivating this fine specimen. Grandma Evi seemed impressed.

Allie reads a book to Violet...

I think Henry realized he was playing second fiddle to Violet...

Violet is an Olympic caliber eater. Not dainty-- but she can sock it away...

Maddie and cousins Jada and Zoie chill at the birthday bash. Note the long train of cupcakes. Zoie is Violet and Henrys' nine-year-old cousin. She has her very own blog -- check it out.

One-year-old Violet Sophia in the grips of an all out sugar shock -- it could've gone either way at that point but she was a perfect lady the whole time.

Here is Violet basking in the glory of being a one-year-old...

Violet and Ashley partake in a free-form jam session

Here is Engie's crafty birthday bag...

Other news --

*We think Violet is starting to learn a few new words. She may have said milk the other day. So now her vocabulary consists of da-da, uh-oh, and possibly milk and thank you. Momma and I agree that Violet's language skills seem to be developing sooner that Henry's did.

*A couple days ago Henry was playing with his bubble robot in the garage (it's a little toy that you put liquid soap in and it shoots bubbles) and he said to me "dad, this is the most fun I have had in a LONG time" It was funny but at the same time it kind of implies that we are evidently running a pretty boring program over at the Johnson Ranch.

*I came up with a brilliant play time toy idea for Henry. I call it the jar of rocks. I walked around our house and driveway with Henry and we picked out a mason jar worth of unique and cool looking rocks and we washed them and and put them in a mason jar. Now we take them out and play with them. We can arrange them by color, shape, size, what not -- endless games. We make faces out of the rocks -- there is a bunch of small, white rocks to use for teeth. One of the rocks is shaped like a tooth but kind of yellow and I told Henry I was pretty sure it was an old Indian tooth. He was concerned that it must have just fallen out of someones mouth so I said it was probably from someone who drank juice all day and probably never bothered to brush or floss his teeth. It's never to early to employ smoke and mirrors.