Where's my flapjacks?

I have been told that there is a national lumberjack skills competition held annually in Hayward, Wisconsin. Doesn't he look like a little lumberjack or something? At any rate, consider this fair warning that there is a new sheriff in town. He goes by the name Henry James.

Anyone For Texas Style Pork Loins*

This is not really Henry related. However, I would consider it a frickin' disservice to the world and to my readership if I didn't share this anecdote. My dear wife went grocery shopping recently and had clipped a whole mess of coupons. Apparently the deal was such that if you buy a pork loin you get a bunch of free stuff- including about a half gallon of flavorite apple sauce. I guess that was just too much to resist. So she heads on down to the grocery store and proceeds to rounding up all this free stuff she had coupons for and picked up this Hormel pork loin and some other essentials and headed for the register. Well, as it turns out she had picked out the wrong pork loin. The cashier warned that the pork loin mentioned in the advertisement was indeed much larger and asked her if she was really sure she wanted it. Well, the long and the short of this story is that we are now the proud owners of a three foot long pork loin that is roughly the size of a chinese man. Seriously, this thing is HUGE. It barely fits into the freezer sideways.

*It should be noted at this time that I personally love pork loins and look forward to figuring out a way to utilize this slab of pig. This was the last thing I expected my daintly, non-meat loving wife to come home with from the grocery store.

Backyard Bonfire

You have to look really close - but there is a little face poking out of the baby snow suit thing bundled up on my lap. That is Henry presiding over his first backyard bonfire. He seemed to like it. Ma and I had two beers a peice and Henry had about 4 ounces of formula. Below is a close up of his face since you can't quite see it in the picture above.

We had the little fellow weighed this morning at the hospital. He is 12 pounds 8 1/2 ounces of twisted steel and 24 1/8 inches long at 12 1/2 weeks of age. Several people confirmed that he is indeed remarkably cuter than basically every child that they had ever seen.... ever.

New Jammies

This is the first time Henry wore these PJ's - so I thought maybe I would just go ahead and put up a picture. I think he favors the footie type pajamas but it's still just guess work at this point. He is a hard guy to read sometimes.

Some bad news to report: We did not win the big powerball drawing on Wednesday so we are just going to have stick with our same life plan. But I guess nobody won so maybe we will get a couple tickets for the Saturday drawing.

Unmatched Cuteness

Henry really enjoys his bib overalls. He also has been perfecting his smile recently. He has now begun to focus his efforts on laughing and giggling. He hasn't totally gotten it yet but can grunt and cackle a little bit when he gets real good and worked up.

Hee Haw

This is Henry raising his hand in victory after accepting the prestigious 2005 International Infant of the Year Award. The award is typically bestowed upon an infant who exhibits charm and unusual wisdom in the face of adversity.

He is outfitted in a cunning pair of Baby Gap bib overalls he received as a birthday gift from Jessie & Timmie. The ensemble is completed with a pair of rugged yet sophisticated knit cowboy boots he received from Grammy Johnson.

Greetings from Henryland

Ahoy, ladies and gentlemen. Just a brief note to all of my readership, I have been tinkering with the settings on this here blog dealie and now you can all leave comments without having to register - if you feel so compelled.

This was the look Henry gave me after I told him what we got him for a Halloween costume. I don't want to ruin the surprise, but I will say it is darn cute. I will also offer this tidbit - we purchased his costume on ebay for about $10 (after shipping).

I was thinking that in the oversized green vest and the doo rag cap that he looked a little bit like a member of the early 90's sensations "Naughty by Nature" posse. Hip Hop Hooray...

Monday Night Magic: Henry James Johnson

Henry demanded that I put him in his Green Bay Packers sweater for Monday Night Football. He thinks that the Packers still have a solid shot at the division title. He loves rooting for his hometown team and relishing his Wisconsin heritage. I don't know about that - but one thing I can tell everyone is that Henry has slept through the night a couple of times now. This is no small miracle after 10 weeks of restless nights for myself and more so for the Mrs.

Not sure what else to report other than that we probably have the world's greatest baby. He is somehow surely to be our meal ticket to glory and riches, much in the same way Packer legend Brett Favre has been to his family with his accolades, money and what have you.

Buddies

Henry has been getting bored with just Mom & I hanging all over him all the time. So he invited his buddy Luke over for a visit. Luke is like five weeks older than Henry but they still have a lot in common and love goofing around with one another. I wish I knew what they were thinking.

Bundled Up

I will be darned if Lil' Henry isn't the greatest. So I wanted to take the little fella out for an evening stroll and the Mrs. insists that he be dressed appropriately for this brisk weather. I had to bundle him up pretty good before she gave us the green light. This is his first piece of camoflouge clothing and I think he looks rather handsome. Although I remarked to Momma that the mittens kind of gave him the look of a handless burn victim. If you look closely at the photo there is a wet spot in the general area of the "ESO" in Minnesota on my sweatshirt. That is from Henry slobbering on me during our walk.

Henry James Johnson: The Genuine Article

Henry can bring a level of sophistication and elegance to a pair of footie pajamas that is rarely seen in today's world, as the photo on the right clearly illustrates.

He had his eight week check up last Friday and all is well. He weighed in at a solid 10 lbs. 4oz. and 23 1/2 inches long. The doctor also stated that he had an unusually large fontanelle. That's my boy!

Henry is also getting much better at smiling and cooing. Just look at the picture. He is happy.

Momma has decided to begin weaning Henry from the breast milk to the formula. Henry told me in private that he doesn't like the formula as much but that he supports her decision.


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Henry is smiling and what have you...

Using the elaborate language of baby speak we have been able to coax a few smiles out of Henry. It has been challenging trying to capture a smile with the camera but here is the best one yet...and now that I look at it closer it is a half smile at best or possibly even a sneer. Yep.

We are also proud to introduce our new line of homemade iron-on onesies. Henry has graciously agreed to accept a postition as spokes model for our new fall line in exchange for an unlimited supply of mother's milk and diapers. Is it me or does he look like he is trying to gouge out his own eyeball? That is hardcore.

The Search for Quality Daycare Continues...

Yesterday evening momma and I went to another unlicensed in-home daycare lady. During the course of the interview Henry decided to drop a little bass and let out one of his signature 30 second farts which are usually accompanied by a very confused look. Absolutely priceless. Says momma, "Just like his daddy."

I haven't had time for any new elaborate photo shoots recently but here is one of about 1,000 pictures we have of the little tiger sleeping.

In the bath and at the movies...

As you can see, Henry does alot of his best thinking in the tub. Seriously, the guy really loves bath time. Also submitted, for your entertainment, are the following two movie reviews by Dad and Henry as Ebert and Roper:

As a new parent you spend alot of time just lounging around with the baby. This has provided an excellent opportunity to catch up on watching movies. It has also served as Henrys first exposure to world of cinema. The other day I saw a VHS copy of Teen Wolf at the Unique Thrift Store on Rice Street for $2.60. I felt that the value was there and it had been quite a spell since I had seen the film so I made the investment. Michael J. Fox was riding the crest of Back to the Future and decided to parlay that success into a werewolf comedy. The entire film is entertaining and the cinematography is second to none. The scenes where he is "surfing" on top of the van and doing flips for no apparent reason are my favorite. Dad = "Two Thums Up... WAY UP!!!" Henry = "Two Thumbs Up! Mike Fox at his utter apex."

We also dug into the Smokey & The Bandit Pursuit Pack. Again, I thought the entire Smokey trilogy in one convenient package - with the special features - was bargain at $9.99. On top of that, neither me or Henry had seen part 3. Now, everyone knows Burt Reynolds has the midas touch when it comes to putting together a winning movie. Sprinkle in the whimsy and humor of actor / country crooner Jerry Reed and this is a no brainer. This is a simple formula that was utterly destroyed in part 3. Burt Reynolds isn't even in the movie. It was just weird. Not only was it not Burt Reynolds, it was former sidekick Jerry Reed dressed up as the Bandit with a crappy moustache with black shoe polish in it. I turned it off after ten minutes. This is Hollywood's dirty little secret. Director Dick Lowry did the entire frickin' film industry a disservice by trashing what was a beautiful movie franchise. Up until this point Henry had showed little emotion. But I think he could sense my disgust after watching this filth. This is a picture of him immediately after watching part 3... in a photo simply titled, "Innocence Lost".


Now I have to dread the day when my son will say 'Daddy, Daddy why isn't Burt Reynolds in part 3?' I don't have an answer to that question...

Henry James: Pure Genius

Gentle baby Henry is over five weeks old now and the miracles never cease. Baby's momma and me think he might kind of be smiling - but were not sure. Tonite me and Henry had a staring contest. I won.

One tip I can give to prospective parents is to learn how change diapers fast. Speed counts when it comes to getting peed and pooped on. So far he's only got me once. The Mrs. is a bit slower on the trigger and I bet she's gotten it a dozen times.

In this photo he is sporting some sweet buckskin moccasins that I bought way before he was born.

Zoie Really Likes Her New Cousin

This is Henry with his cousin Zoie. She is a bit self conscious about her presence on the internet but I don't care.

Dennis Hopper

Well, Dennis Hopper will never again be allowed to babysit our little Henry. He wanted to take the H-Bomb to his first sweat lodge ceremony and he came back looking like an extra from the 1969 road movie "Easy Rider". Indeed, that is the world's tiniest fringed leather vest and and an ultra sweet pair of faux shearling moccasins.

Today my baby's momma came home with Henry's first pair of "distressed denim" bib overalls. I am not sure how to feel about this yet.

My Son is the best and I will prove it...

Ahoy Ladies & Gents,

Welcome to my blog. I shall utilize this as a medium to share my experiences as a father, the ultimate husband, and all around renaissance man. Behold my son, Henry James Johnson. Here he is in a casual pose. One can only imagine what the devil he is thinking about. Is he in deep thought? Is he casually observing life? Who knows... Tenatively, I intend to raise him to be a punter in the NFL. I feel as if that is the ideal occupation with its combination of solid pay and benefits, low stress, and also rich in commradere. I am not sure if punters are among those who feel pressure to do the steroids. I will look into it. Any comments are welcome. Bravo-Echo-Zulu-Niner OUT!