All Aboard the Night Train Express!

Henry sometimes finds himself exhausted from simply being too awesome. Here he is in his favorite Stones shirt and his floppy moppy, butterscotch stallion hair. He has become a miniature person -- a miniature person in need of a haircut. Last weekend momma took him to Poik's Barber Shop. Poik has been providing the Chisago Lakes area with quality barbering since the bronze age. He gives a pretty solid haircut for a reasonable price ($10).

Henry looks like a totally new man with his new haircut and has completely shed his hippie image. He sold his ferrets and his Grateful Dead tapes and has abandoned his drum circle buddies. We walks a pretty straight line these days.

Below, Henry demonstrates the simple yet effective Ranger Choke Hold with a neck twist on Baby Sister.

The other day we sat down as a family to enjoy an elegant meal of Mac 'n' Cheese with wienies. I was faced with the difficult task of making a wine pairing. Grape Mad Dog 20/20? Strawberry Hill Boones Farm? Wrong! I went with a sweet 2004 Night Train Express.

Henry was served with a plate that had a compartment filled with a mixture of ketchup and mustard for dipping his wienies. He soon grew bored with eating and decided to start dipping his hands in the condiment mixture. Julie grabbed the camera to capture this candid moment of family fun. "This is CRAAAAZZZYYY!!", says Henry. Also, note the haircut.

But soon this whimsical moment spiraled out of control and into a world of pain. Henry started slapping his face and lathering up. His inquisitive joy quickly turned into confusion and pain. The wife did what any mother would do: followed the developing action with the camera...

I swear, if you took off his shirt, shaved his head and sewed some sausage links to his belly button, this could be mistaken for a delivery room photo! Poor little guy...

Quickly, I grabbed Henry and tucked him under my arm, sprinting to the kitchen sink. I can only imagine what could have been going through Henry's mind as I held his head firmly and sprayed water directly into his eyes.

"DADDY! WHY?!?!"

After the dust had settled, Henry was left visibly shaken and pretty confused but with a new outlook on life . I told him that he was a very brave young man and that mustard was the devil. He normally looks very confident and proud wearing his Bob the Builder "Big Boy" undies.

The last couple of weekends Davie has been helping with me put up siding on the house. Here Henry enjoys a moment with Davie and daughter Gracie.

Not bad for a couple of small town white boys.

The maple trees have reached peak colors at our place.

Despite our continued pleas, Violet continues to refuse to consistently sleep through the night. Here she is with her pumpkin hat.

The other day I was singing "Chocolate Rain" to Henry and he actually mocked me with his own version called "Chocolate Milk". He only has the chorus so far but it was pretty funny.

A brief note on goats...

I should have named those little buggers Steve McQueen, Charles Bronson, and Jimmy Garner because they are total escape artists. Last weekend I beefed up the fence and they still escape at will. I don't even know how they do it. I suspect they could be shapeshifters. I really have to step up my efforts on fencing if I expect to contain them. I have actually started just letting them out in the evenings and weekends so they can just browse around. They are pretty easily rounded up with a little scoop of goat chow and seem to like to stay in their house over night.

I have been kicking around the idea of starting an online magazine. Through a brief Google search, I have noted that neither Goat Fancier or Goat Aficionado are taken or used titles or product names. Which one sounds the best? I think they both sound like potential winners. Could this be my ticket to becoming an internet millionaire? I'm guessing it's a little obscure. Oh well, a man has to have dreams.

Wouldn't It Be Nice If We Had More Goats...

Noted goat fanciers The Beach Boys certainly knew the magic and companionship of these fine ruminant animals.

That's why we recently acquired three Nigerian Dwarf goats . They are very entertaining and rambunctious and they should only get to about 40 to 60 pounds. I am also happy to report that the wife was 100% on board with these ones. Meet the cast of Entourage: Goat Edition:

From the Left: Vince (black with brown highlights), Turtle (all black), Johnny Drama (white with dark highlights)

Johnny Drama seems to be the ring leader. He is also the largest and most outgoing of the trio.

Vince is kinda shy and reserved, but with beautiful markings. These guys love climbing up on their little balance beam.

Ike looks on as Henry gives Johnny Drama a big kiss on the belly.

Violet isn't totally sold on the goat thing yet.

This one is pretty cute.

We keep the chemicals in the pantry...

Henry loves to run around the house nude and throw diapers everywhere. Sometimes I wish he would focus a little more on the potty training and a little less on the shenanigans... It's time to grow up, PUNK!!

We've got a good feeling about the goats. These ones were from a hobbyist breeder as opposed to Todd who came from someone appeared to troll livestock auctions for cheap leftovers. We know the new guys have had vaccinations, they have also been castrated and dehorned. That sounds kinda harsh, but it is encouraged for goats that are going to be in regular contact with children. As I responsible stockman of goats, it was my duty to consider this. Side note: I finally got a pitchfork.

We had a goat blessing ceremony last weekend. Julie's friend Crystal did the blessing. She is not a person of the cloth, but she's pretty much the most religious person that I know and "super duper spiritual", so we went with it. Just wanted to cover all the bases so these guys don't die on me. The blessing ceremony was followed by a goat observation hour with wine and cheese.

Everything is going pretty well. We are trying to adjust to the new schedule as Julie goes back to school and the kids go back to daycare. It took like two days at daycare for Henry to bring home his first illness. I think we all have had sore throats and colds and what not for a couple weeks.

Violet is doing pretty good. She is getting stronger and is sleeping more at night. We have been putting them both to bed at around seven o'clock with few problems. Violet will sometimes sleep through the night, but will typically wake up once at two or four in the morning. We are getting up at 5:30 or so.

Henry just does some outright cute stuff. He will often wake up just before our alarms go off on the weekdays or just too early on weekends. When he wakes up he will come into bed with us and we try to get him to sleep for a while longer. Sometimes he just lays there and stares at me while I pretend to sleep and after a while he will peel my eyes open with his little fingers and whisper "daddy, seepin?" or "daddy, get up." This morning we made him sing me the good morning song before I got out of bed. The Good Morning Song was a tradition we started with Henry anytime we had to wake him up. We thought it was mean to wake up a sleeping kid and it was the least we could do. This was the first time he sang it and he knew it pretty good. Needless to say, it was pretty cute.

Also, and I don't know where he came up with this, Henry will sometimes yell at the wife and I during supper or during a car ride "NO TALKING!!" For some reason, I guess he just likes to enjoy the silence sometimes. That's ok. But it can be annoying when two grown ups are trying to talk about stuff. He'll keep saying it and saying it and we have to tell him to chill out.

It is supposed to be nice this weekend and I am hoping to get a large amount of siding put up.

I have been kicking around the idea of getting Henry a haircut next week.

Let Me Tell You a Story of Heartache & Loss of Todd

Last Friday Todd mysteriously and suddenly passed away. I gave him water in the morning and he seemed fine and fresh as a daisy. Then, we went to the Minnesota State Fair and returned in the mid-afternoon and I found him laying there dead.

I consulted my book Goats For the Complete Boob! and reread the Why is my goat dead? chapter. I have narrowed it down to two possibilities. It was either bloat or some type of genetic thing. I am leaning towards bloat. Although, I am no expert and am not qualified to perform goat autopsies.

I explained to Henry what had happened and that Todd would be buried in the ground from here on out, but also that he was very happy to be there. We had a small and simple funeral service at dusk. For some reason Henry thinks a shark killed Todd and that is what he is telling everyone at daycare. The other day, out of nowhere, he told me "Todd died... Sad... DADDY GET NEW TODD'S!!!!". I guess he is taking the whole ordeal in stride.

If I had more advanced skills with computer software I would make a video/photo montage of our short time with Todd set to Carly Simon's Nobody Does it Better.

So, I believe we are going to try again with the goats. However, in the back of my mind I worry that I am a huge idiot and that maybe it could have been something I had unknowingly done that killed Todd. And I will keep acquiring and killing off these gentle and loving creatures. I guess if another mysterious livestock death occurs I may have to take that as a sign and abandon my dreams of animal husbandry altogether...

Here's me at the State Fair with my little posse. We borrowed Grandma Judy's double stroller and it worked out pretty sweet.

The whole point of the State Fair is to look at the baby animals and then wander around annoyed and eat unhealthy food, right? That is why we only go every five years. Henry and I split a plate of french fries covered with melted "cheese".

Now that I have had a chance to look at these pictures I have to say how disgusting the scene from the picture below is. I am sitting on a dirty curb just a stone's throw from the most violated and disrespected toilets in the civilized world, eating a heaping plate of cheese drenched french fries with my son, licking said cheese off of my fingers. Real nice.

This is sad and ironic. Henry was really jazzed to check out all of the livestock barns and he would go to every pen and point and yell "TODD!"

Hey Violet, 1986 called and they want their onesie back...

Violet in sepia...

She is really good at making faces...

Our 5,000 lineal feet of siding came in last week. My brother-in-law and father-in-law were kind enough to help with the staining. We got a real good chunk of it done.

Henry likes to sweep our new sidewalk.

I'm still not quite sure of the chain of events that lead to the moustache and soul patch... Momma did it...

It has been eighteen months of patiently waiting for Henry to truly be able to fit into his kung fu outfit. This is his other kung fu outfit with the gold dragon stitched on it. We had him do some high kicks and jump off the stairs and other assorted stunts. I think he is actually hitting himself in the jimmy in this photo to prove his strength and high threshold for pain...

Welcome to my ToddCast...

Todd is alive and well and living in a dilapidated former dog house. Todd likes carrot treats and fresh water. He is a special little guy.

Henry likes to pretend he is a lion. He is good at growling and freaking out.

Henry is OK at getting around in heels...

He could be better...

Speaking of sweet shoes, check out this little lady...

The other day I was letting Henry air dry for a spell since he had a wicked diaper rash. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with a warm and wet sensation in the foot area.

"Henry, did you really just pee on my foot?"

"Yes, daddy..."

I was wearing new slippers and they got totally soaked. Whadda ya do?

Henry split his lip open last week. He tripped and fell face first on the garage floor. I didn't actually see him fall but I heard a solid thud and could tell it was kinda bad. He looked up, already crying and and blood coming out of his mouth. I thought maybe he had chipped or knocked out some toofums. Luckily, it was just a split lip. He was OK after a few minutes. I think Ma and Pa were more traumatized. He is always running around all crazy. His shins are always completely black and blue and scratched up. That's what little boys do, right?

Henry has a new buddy, Alan Wu. He is a cute young chap from China and was recently adopted by a friend and coworker of my wife. I guess Henry was a bit jealous of his John Deere and Bob the Builder stuff.

Momma was away for Girls Weekend last weekend. So, I was home all by my lonesome with the babies while my wife drank Zima, ate deviled eggs and played "tickle fight" with her lady friends, or so they claim. Poor, poor me...

On Saturday Grammy Judy was kind enough to watch the kids for a while while a friend helped me pour our sidewalk, a driveway apron, and a small patio slab. It turned out pretty sweet -- we stamped it with a cobblestone pattern. As a side note, we had a guy help us that has one adult movie "acting" credit to his name.

Siding is supposed to be delivered this week!

My shower tile guy told me he is starting this week for real!

Henry's new favorite line before bed: "ONE MORE BOOK, DADDY!"

He loves Ten Little Monkeys and simply cannot get enough of it. He watched Dumbo this past week and really loved it.

I Guess I Need to Fill Everyone in on the Todd Situation...

It seemed like the logical next step -- the natural progression of things to be. I have since been instructed that these things are supposed to be discussed in family meetings and put to a vote... I say balderdash! Utter poppycock... So, now we have a goat. His name is Todd and he is pretty frickin' sweet. Henry and I returned with Todd in tow. Julie ran out onto the porch seeing the dog crate in our trailer and thought that I decided to bring our pooch in to get a bath (I guess that is no less of a Friday evening activity that goat buying, but whatever.). But then Todd let out his war cry and all hell broke loose. "What the hell is that?" Then I had to answer a bunch of rapid fire questions from a confused and upset wife who was about to be picked up by her lady friend Crystal for a ladies night out of mohitos and Coronas at Tiki Steve's in Lindstrom. I guess I really caught her off guard.

Who: TODD!

What: Our new Boer goat, he's a three month old billy! That means he has his testes intact!

Where: We got him off of Craigslist, of course... $30.00. I have to say that I exhibited some restraint considering that the goat people were trying their hardest to upsell (we'll give you a deal on a pair) and even wanted to sell me some chickens and African geese (apparently they are great "watchdogs", to which I guessed meant "will you take these loud sonsabitches away from here for $8 each?")

When: Friday afternoon I was browsing the Craigslist Farm & Garden section as I have been secretly doing for a while to power up my operation and I came across an ad for goats located pretty close to our house (maybe ten minutes away or so). I got home from work and told momma that me and Henry had to run an errand before she went out for the evening for ladies night... I guess she didn't see me leave with the trailer and our very large dog kennel, a sight in the future that will likely raise a "red flag".

Henry is into it. Whenever we go check on Todd he says "Henry get in there!" and I throw him in the goat pen and he hangs with Todd. Who the heck am I to deny a child the basic human right of the pursuit of joy and happiness through animal husbandry? Henry also says "two babies" referring to Violet and Todd. I guess Violet is just a "throw in" with the livestock in his eyes. I also make Henry do chores with me in the morning which basically entails taking a four wheeler ride with a bucket full of water, filling Todd's water dish and talking about Todd for a few minutes. We also can give him table scraps and what not.

So Henry and I went to a little hobby farm in Stacy to check out the goat. They had four goats, two boers and two pygmy crosses (little guys). They were pushing the pygmys but I thought it might be a good idea to get a youngster without (hopefully) less baggage. Boers are a meat breed. Right after I paid and put Henry in his car seat and was about to leave the goat seller said "Yeah if yer gonna eat 'em, you'll wanna get 'em started on some corn..." I told her we'd see how things pan out before we make that decision but I'm guessing we are not going to eat Todd.

Julie came back a bit tipsy from Tiki Steve's and fortunately had lightened up about the whole Todd situation. I guess she had regaled her friends with Todd jokes: We can't eat him... how does spaghetti and Toddballs sound?? How about some Todd burgers?? Todd Mignon with fava beans and an elegant sauce?? Pasta al dente with Todd?? The jokes were non-stop... She was a regular Don Rickles of goat humor.

I should think not. But Todd, watch your ass, because the possibility is out there.

So, that is the weekend adventure regarding Todd. I spent a 100 degree Saturday afternoon putting up 100 lineal feet of fencing for a goat instead of working on the house. Go figure.

Henry and Violet both slept through the night last night from about 8:30. It was very nice. We watched the movie The Squid and the Whale, a pretty enjoyable movie.

I don't know what Henry is doing in this picture but it looks sinister.

Violet gives us a half-smile as she works hard to fill her pants.

I think this picture was pre-Todd (PT). Henry likes making calls on his fake cellular. When asked, he usually says he is calling Jo-Jo, an old daycare buddy from months ago. He will walk around the house holding the phone up to his ear and will let go with a stream of consciousness toddler rant. He will basically look around and say whatever he sees "umm tree! um, um shoe! um, BOB!" That sort of thing.

In conclusion, both of our kids are pretty great, we got a goat, and I am hoping to start on the siding in a week or two or three. Also, I will try to call a meeting before making any more livestock purchases.

There is a new saying in our house: If you mess with Todd, you get the horns.

Gondolas, Gargonzola, & Chet the Gondolier...

Seepy, seepy... pink footie jam-jams... Violet continues to be a pretty special baby. She has been battling constipation lately since we switched formula brands on her. We've been giving her prune juice. Somehow, through it all, she is still a lady.

Henry loves to eat cereal with his shirt off. The other morning I tried giving him a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and he said "no-no daddy. Listen cereal." My newly developed toddlerspeak translation skills told me he did not want Honey Nut Cheerios. He wanted Rice Krispies. Whenever we give him a bowl of Rice Krispies we always say "Wow, listen to the snap, crackle, pop!" So he calls it "listen cereal". Pure genius...

Last nite was Julie's birthday and our four year wedding anniversary. I booked us a ride on the St. Croix River in an authentic Venetian gondola. (Note: In the photo above Julie clipped her bangs to look like Rory Gilmore circa final season.) Luckily, the weather cooperated and we had a fabulous time. I packed a small cooler with two PBRs for me (hey, it's my special day too...) and two Coronitas for her. Our gondolier, Chet, even serenaded us with an Italian love song. This is Chet! We had a nice dinner at Luna Rossa afterward (also fabulous - she had the beef medallions smothered in a gargonzola sauce, I had the filet mignon with a glass of the house cabernet). Grammy Judy was kind enough to accept babysitting duty for our special evening on a grown-ups only date.

Our soffits and fascia are done, giving me one less excuse not to have the siding done... The tile for our shower should allegedly get done next week! So my european hygiene regimen will continue for now... a bath every few days. I bet you needed to know that stuff...